The college football world was blessed with the hilariously absurd story involving Texas assistant football coach Jeff Banks, his ex-stripper girlfriend named Pole Assassin, and her pet monkey named Gia.
To summarize: Coach Banks, who once coached under Nick Saban, has a girlfriend who used to be a stripper under the name “Pole Assassin.” Pole Assassin was once on Jerry Springer and also has a pet monkey named “Gia” who was a part of her routine. Over the weekend, Gia allegedly attacked a kid who was trick-or-treating on Pole Assassin’s property and then the internet got a hold of the story.
As the internet tends to do, the reactions and responses to the wild story were incredible. They don’t say the internet is undefeated for nothing.
So, because this story is so great and we all like to laugh — especially at the Texas Longhorns — let’s indulge in some of best memes and responses to Pole Assassin’s monkey.
You can check out some of the best Twitter reactions below.
“Coach, did you ever meet Pole Assassin or her monkey?” pic.twitter.com/KgAzFxXDBU
— Greg Hulsey (@GregHulsey) November 2, 2021
“Sir, Pole Assassin’s monkey bit a kid.” pic.twitter.com/ezz8hXljSP
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) November 2, 2021
— Sean Kent (@SeanRKent) November 2, 2021
— Dunking and Dragons (@DunkingNDragons) November 2, 2021
Good Morning, Monkey. Another day of helping Pole Assassin conquer her fears and count fat stacks is here. pic.twitter.com/0XN3BToqeg
— Joseph Goodman (@JoeGoodmanJr) November 2, 2021
“I don’t care if her monkey bit a kid, what time is Pole Assassin’s show tonight?” pic.twitter.com/GSSQ61nC3Q
— Winter drinking season aficionado (@beerguyrob) November 2, 2021
pole assassin having to put down her monkey: pic.twitter.com/tShgpp1so0
— Trey Rowland (@trey_rowland59) November 2, 2021
Pole Assassin’s Pet Monkey is my fantasy team name next year. pic.twitter.com/DbPNmTMUZh
— Jon Harvey (@oompahead) November 2, 2021
Pole assassin’s monkey reprimanding Coach Banks after he called a fake punt run on 4th & 11 down 3 to BU with 9.5 minutes still left in the game. pic.twitter.com/vwAGiCXXUw
— 𝙆𝙀𝙇𝙏𝙔 👍 (@NavAg903) November 2, 2021
on this week’s episode of The Red Table Talk we will be hearing from the monkey belonging to *checks notes* Pole Assassin pic.twitter.com/Eh313RX5Qz
— Matthias (@matthias__meyer) November 2, 2021
TIL that a Texas Longhorns coach left his family for a stripper named Pole Assassin, who has a monkey in her stripper act, and that the monkey may have bit a child on Halloween. pic.twitter.com/UnwwXFb5cE
— JPFlambé 🔥🔥 (@JoannePistonFan) November 2, 2021
Monkey reading Pole Assassins tweets. pic.twitter.com/qvfvjyfDwP
— Potato Goatse (@PotatoGoatse) November 2, 2021