Poor Erin Andrews. I tried to warn her. I tried to tell her things weren’t going to end well with this relationship with Jarret Stoll. I knew something bad was going to happen when it came out that Pageviews was pretty much publicly begging Stoll to get her an engagement ring. And it never happened. It didn’t happen at Christmas. It didn’t happen on Valentine’s Day. And now Stoll has been popped for trying to smuggle Molly and coke into a Vegas pool.
TMZ says Wet Republic security caught Stoll, 32, with an 8-ball of coke and 8 grams of Molly. I’m not an expert on Molly, but it sounds like Stolly was possibly going to do some serious partying.
Now let’s go back to last summer and what Pageviews told Good Morning America about getting engaged:
“I’ve definitely dropped hints here and there,” she said. “But we haven’t looked at rings. … Nothing there yet, the ball’s in his court,” she added laughing. “But no we are fine! We’ve had enough on our plate for the last two years of dating and haven’t really gone there yet.”
Ben Horton/Getty Images
I’m going on the record right now and saying in a majority of cases where a woman says “the ball’s in his court,” things are going to end badly. There’s either an ugly breakup or an eventual divorce coming down the road. I’ve watched enough of the Bachelorette to know where this is heading.
I’ve been at this Internet game way too long to not see this one coming. Stoll, now a free agent, has an earned reputation as the guy on the Kings who likes to have a good time. Guess who Stoll dated before Pageviews — Paulina Gretzky! Paulina even posted photos of the two of them in a hot tub.
Jarret Stoll was caught with more grams of Molly (8.1) than he scored goals this season (6).
— Busted Coverage (@bustedcoverage) April 20, 2015
Like he’s going to settle down at 32 and marry Erin Andrews. Are you kidding me? The guy has a life to live. Pageviews turns 37 in a couple weeks. She knows the clock is ticking. She’s in a hurry with a guy who’s getting caught carrying coke and Molly into a Vegas pool. Need another sign that this isn’t going to work?
It’s time for Pageviews to cut her loses. You’re not going to marry a PR disaster. You can’t. It’s a career killer. And you’re taking shots from Marshall Henderson.
@ErinAndrews …. lol wassup with your boyfriend?!
— marshall henderson (@NativeFlash22) April 20, 2015
Michael Buckner/Getty Images
Erin Andrews is about to get the best advice anyone has ever given her: Get away from Stoll, party your ass off from now until the NFL season starts and hook up with the first investment banker you run into. Even if he’s a 7, you go after it. Don’t even worry about the fairytale wedding like you wanted with Stoll. That shit is over with. You don’t have a year of life left to plan some giant wedding. You marry the investment banker on some Malibu cliff in August and you’re pregnant by Christmas. You have a baby by late summer 2016.
Trust me, Pageviews. I’m looking out for you.
Top image: Bruce Bennett/Getty Images