Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
College Football Playoff/NYE/NYD Bowl Games
Depression has officially sunk in. We are in a horrific place as a society. All day Saturday we have college football including the CFP Semi-Finals, we have Week 17 NFL football all day Sunday, then college football all day and night New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. It’s going to be a great four day stretch of football, binge drinking, and gambling. Your boy Blakey Locks will be in Key West to take in the whole scene. However, after that time comes to an end we will only have a National Championship game left in college football. We’ve been churning out these previews every week of the season and it is now time for college football to come to an end.
Degenerate of the Week
This week I am appealing to the good readers of Busted Coverage for some assistance. This year will be the first annual Degenerate Nation Awards Presented by Longshot Locks Presented by Busted Coverage For The Troops. Categories will include: Bad Beat of the Year (don’t send me your Fantasy Football scores), Worst Gambler of the Year, Best Gambling Story of the Year, and of course the prestigious Degenerate of the Year Award.
These should become an annual tradition of degeneracy that unites us in brother(andsister)hood. So make sure you send some submissions for every category of degeneracy imaginable.
Girlfriend Game of the Week
My girlfriend watches almost no football. She knows nothing about any teams. Luckily gambling is all about raw instinct. It’s a gamble after all. Every week I am going to ask her out of the blue who is going to win a certain game. There’s a good chance these picks win at a higher percentage than mine. (6-2 NCAAF)
This has become the most fun tradition in this weekly piece. My girlfriend (as expected) has won at a dominant pace and made me look like an absolute fool. She is back one more time to pick the most meaningless game of the week. A game that none of us know jackshit about anyways so her pick is as good as any of ours (probably better):
Heck yeah. Nevada -1.
College Football Playoff
Notre Dame vs. Clemson (-12.5) o/u 56.5
Semi-final number one. The Irish vs. Clemson. Now some may know that I am not a huge Clemson fan but I will do my best to remain unbiased in my coverage of this came. That being said, let’s start with one of the more appalling stories of the year, not only in sports, but in the world.
This is horrific. There are kids, troops, and first responders that were looking forward to watching the best possible talent in the first CFP Semi-Final but Saint Dabo couldn’t keep his program clean. Surely he must be repenting for the hearts that have broken over this.
You’d be sadly mistaken. Saint Dabo thinks this is all just a big joke. He doesn’t care about little Joey who wants to see his Tigers win the game. He doesn’t care about my wife’s boyfriend Derek who is a proud Marine and wanted to watch Dexter Lawrence play from overseas. No, Saint Dabo just wants to go on and do his ole “yee-haw I love Jesus” routine as the media giggles along like the sheep they are. It’s honestly disturbing.
Now that I’ve given my unbiased take on that story, I think Ian Book is going to be able to work this secondary just like Jake Bentley and the other competent quarterbacks Clemson has played this year. I also think Notre Dame is the best defense Clemson has faced all year. Unfortunately, the Tigers are probably going to win this one but I would take Notre Dame at any number over 10 to cover.
The Unbiased Gambling Blogger Lock of the Playoffs: Notre Dame +12.5
Oklahoma vs. Alabama (-14) o/u 76.5
High Tide in Miami. Great pun from the Bama social team. I cannot wait for this game. I think it is going to be just as good, if not better than, the Georgia/Oklahoma semi-final last year. Heisman winner Kyler Murray against Heisman runner-up Tua Tagovailokojoi. Alabama too has some suspensions for this game, including their starting left guard. That could give a little hope to the weak Oklahoma defensive line. By week three of the season people were handing the National Championship trophy to Alabama. I mean, literally:
If you bet an Alabama national championship future at FanDuel you have already cashed that ticket. However, what Georgia (and the first half against the fucking Citadel) taught us is that Alabama is very much human. They can be beaten and a lot of their pieces can be exposed. If Tua is going to be banged up for this game we now know that a couple big hits on him could rattle his whole psyche. Also, with Jalen Hurts being the hero in town once again, will Tua feel that pressure on his back and make some mistakes trying to do too much? Meanwhile, Alabama’s biggest struggles over the years have been to mobile quarterbacks like Cam Newton, Johnny Manziel, and Deshaun Watson. Could Kyler be the next to dethrone Bama? Only time will tell, but I think they have a legitimate shot.
Also, with a total this high and two quarterbacks like this you need to bet the over. If 80+ points don’t get scored in this game it will be a major disappointment.
The Rovell Curse Lock of the Year: Oklahoma +14, o76.5
Here are some picks for the other games on Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday
Florida +6 vs. Michigan
Virginia +5.5 vs. South Carolina
MSU +3 vs. Oregon
Missouri -9 vs. OK State, u74
LSU -7 vs. UCF (my final conquest against that damned team)
Washington +7 vs. OSU (defense will prevail without Urban Liar)
I’m sure more bets will be added as the booze flows in Key West so follow along with all of my picks on the Sports Action App.
It’s been a great year. Thanks to everyone has read these and supported. I’ll be back for the National Championship game and NFL playoffs!
Let’s get rich, together.