Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
College Football Week Ten
Week Ten. The scaries are really starting to set in. It is going to be a dark dark time for the Locks man when college football season ends. Though my wallet may stop burning itself alive, I will be significantly more depressed. College football is by far the best sport on the planet and there is no competition. Sitting on my couch with wings, pizza, and ice cold Michelob Ultras on a full college football Saturday is the happiest you will ever find me (don’t tell my girlfriend I said that). And this week might be the best week of the season so far. We have number 1 and number 3 playing each other for the SEC West while the top two teams in the SEC East also face off for a spot in Atlanta. We have two Big 12 teams still in playoff contention in an elimination game. A B1G test for Michigan as they have their eyes on the playoff. And oh yeah UCF already played because they’re so irrelevant that they play their games on Thursdays. So, without further ado let’s get into the action here.
Degenerate of the Week
https://twitter.com/stoolpresidente/status/1056704515490172928
To nominate yourself or a friend for Degen of the Week, Tweet or DM submissions to me @BlakeKrass on Twitter.
This week’s Degen of the Week is Dave Portnoy. El Pres is obviously a very polarizing figure. Some love him, some hate him, but any gambler has to respect what he did for us on Sunday. For anybody who was living under a fucking rock on Sunday, Todd Gurley committed one of the most disgusting atrocities I have ever witnessed on a football field.
The spread here was Rams -7.5 and the total was 57. Todd Gurley broke out a run with a clear path to the end zone that would both cover the spread and hit the over and Todd decided to just stop in his tracks and get tackled. What a fucking bum. BUM! I have taken a thousand bad beats right on the chin and never complained about anybody but myself. I am all about accountability when I lose bets. If I fuck up, I will be the first to put my hand up. But on this bet, I did not fuck up. I was on the absolutely correct side. Then LOSERS on the internet came out and gave these asinine takes.
The Todd Gurley end of game situation made me laugh.
Gurley made the smart football play that insured victory. He's right; players aren't out there for sports bettors, fantasy players, or anyone else.
If you can't handle losses like an adult you shouldn't even be gambling
— Todd Fuhrman (@ToddFuhrman) October 29, 2018
NERDDDDDDDDDDD
The whole point of gambling is so you can irrationally scream at grown men through your TV. Why else would you do it, Todd? People were coming out of the woodwork to defend Todd Gurley for making the “right football play.” Guess what? It for sure was not. If he would’ve taken a knee, maybe. But he just stood there!!!! He easily could’ve gotten stripped which would have given the Packers the ball down 2. If you think the Packers have a better shot down 9 with a minute left then Todd Gurley does of fumbling that football when he stops then your brain is made of doo doo.
S/O to El Pres for sticking up for the degenerates when we needed a beacon of light in our darkest time.
Inanimate Object Bet of the Week
https://twitter.com/MSU_Football/status/1058367403174887424
Sometimes bets don’t come from stats or trends, they come from the world around you. Sometimes you come across something in your day-to-day life that tells you, “hey you need to bet this side.” And when that happens, you always take it.
So, Wednesday night was my 22nd birthday. I’ll take a quick pause so you can all wish me a happy birthday…..thank you. So naturally, I went out and had a few ice cold beverages. Next thing I know I woke up in my girlfriend’s bed (not to brag) very hungover and very confused. I didn’t exactly recall how my night ended and I was in extreme pain. I looked down to see I was wearing a t-shirt that I had not been wearing the night before. It was a Michigan State Football t-shirt. (My girlfriend’s brother plays for MSU so she has some gear). I could only assume that I had done something awful to the shirt I was wearing the night before and my girlfriend didn’t want to look at my revolting body so she put this Sparty shirt on me. Well, to some this would be concerning, but to me, it was a revelation. I knew it was a sign from God. Before taking any Advil, or drinking any water, or asking any questions at all, I picked up my phone and locked in Michigan State -1.5. When you know, you know. And let me tell you what, I knew.
Sparty On.
Marquee Matchups
https://twitter.com/CollegeGameDay/status/1058364559852036096
The fun is over. It’s time to get down to business. You naturally want to bet the games you’re going to watch. So, I have the “Mountains are Blue Ice Cold Locks” for the featured games of the weekend right here.
Alabama @ LSU (+14.5) o/u 53.5
https://twitter.com/espn/status/1057410954210762752
Hell yes. This is what college football has been waiting for. We’ve seen Bama just obliterate every team that has dared to stand in their path, but now they get their first true test. They have to go into Baton Rouge and take on Coach O and the 3rd ranked Tigers. Coach O has been gassing up his team all week, talking about how they are going to play “angry.” Well… that’s not how you beat Saban. The Tigers are going to come out OVER emotional and get shredded. @OldTakesExposed come get your mans right here. I’m calling the route. Alabama is PISSED that there are still humans out there claiming that “they ain’t played nobody PAWWWLLLL.” Well, they are for sure playing somebody this weekend and they will not take their foot off the fucking gas. Baton Rouge is going to be an awesome time all day. All of the Busch Light will be drunk, all of the drugs will be done, but come game time the Tide will Roll.
Nick Saban Doesn’t Lose Football Games Locks of the Century: Bama 1H -7.5, Bama -14.5, o53.5
West Virginia @ Texas (-2) o/u 58
https://twitter.com/WVUfootball/status/1058379646310498304
ALMOST HEAVENNNNN WEST VIRGINIAAAAAA
Let’s. Fucking. Go. The ‘Neers are headed to Austin for a huge battle with Texas. The Mountaineers somehow still control their own destiny to the CFP (kind of). West Virginia will have to close out their season by beating Texas, Oklahoma, then most likely Oklahoma AGAIN in the Big 12 Championship. But assuming one SEC team drops out (which they will unless LSU wins this weekend) that would leave the 3-6 spots for West Virginia, then assuming they all win out Michigan, Notre Dame, and Wazzou. Things would get reallll interesting. But with a longshot hope at getting into the playoff, WVU needs to get this done.
If you’ve been reading my previews all season then you know I am the Texas king. It is real simple. Bet them as a dog, fade them as a favorite. It has worked flawlessly for me so far this season and it will again here. Ole Willy Grier is ready to put on the performance of his life. Texas are FRAUDS FRAUDS FRAUDS. Let’s do this one for John Denver (and my WVU future that I haven’t told anyone about).
Texas is Not Back Lock of the Year: WVU -2, o58
Georgia @ Kentucky (+8.5) o/u 44.5
https://twitter.com/UKFootball/status/1058131577157402624
Holy shit. I was planning on being all over Georgia in this game but that Kentucky hype video makes it MOVE. Kash Daniel might be the coolest person on the entire planet if I’m being honest. But NO NO NO snap out of it Blake. We told ourselves Georgia was the bet here and we are sticking to it. I won’t lie, I’ve doubted Kentucky a few times this year and been wrong. Andddd I’m going to doubt them again, if they prove me wrong again I will officially kneel before the Cayts and call them my daddy. But for now I am all in on the dawgs. This is the SEC East championship game. The winner gets to go be 21 point dogs to Alabama in the SEC Championship game. An absolute honor. Well even though I think they would get spanked, Georgia desperately wants another shot at Bama after choking away last year’s National Title game. The X-Factor?
LOVED @GenoEspn ’s special on @FootballUGA kicker, Rodrigo Blankenship this morning on @CollegeGameDay ! #RespectTheSpecs #GoDawgs pic.twitter.com/goSlKiD6Da
— Sharla McBride (@SharlaMcBride) October 27, 2018
Hot Rod. The guy that drilled some legendary field goals for Georgia in last year’s playoff is pissed he didn’t get a ring. Rodrigo might make some kicks from 80 yards out in this game if he has to. Look for him to light it up when that Kentucky D gets some key stops.
Hot Rod Respect the Specs Lock of the Millenium- Georgia -8.5
Girlfriend Game of the Week
My girlfriend watches almost no football. She knows nothing about any teams. Luckily gambling is all about raw instinct. It’s a gamble after all. Every week I am going to ask her out of the blue who is going to win a certain game. There’s a good chance these picks win at a higher percentage than mine. (2-0)
The GGW is now 2-0 after Mississippi State brought home the win last week. That adds to our +200 ML ticket from UVA two weeks ago. Honestly, my entire gambling career is on the line with this one. I’m almost rooting for her to lose this one because if she goes 3-0 off of random questions then my entire life is a total sham. But for you, the readers here’s another winner. This week’s game is BC @ VT (+2).
The Slate
This guide is meant to be fun, but if you came here for picks I will indulge you. Here are the locks of the week outside the Marquee Matchups.
Baylor +7.5 and +235 vs. OK State
Clemson -38.5 vs. Louisville
Iowa +3 @ Purdue
Southern Miss +3 vs. Marshall
SJSU @ Wyoming u39.5
PSU @ Michigan o52.5
SC PK @ Ole Miss
