The Hater’s Sunday Recap: What Actually Happened Today

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Another Sunday, another list of things you thought were awesome that were actually terrible. Really late on posting this because I went to a museum today. Learning is fun.

1.

The Moment: Tre Mason’s 89 yard touchdown run

What You Thought Happened: An incredible job by the Rams offensive line opening up the hole, and an amazing display of speed by Mason.

What Actually Happened: The average career of an NFL RB is only about 2 years, so this was a meaningless moment that will be completely forgotten once Mason flames out to due to injury or a lack of production.

2.

The Moment: Oakland’s Ray-Ray Armstrong obliterates his own teammate.

What You Thought Happened: A comedic moment. This was soo Raiders! Cause they suck! Hilarious! I love NFL bloopers!

What Actually Happened: Ray-Ray is a stupid name.

3.

The Moment: Colt McCoy breaks three tackles before completing a pass.

What You Thought Happened: An amazing effort by Colt. It’s awesome to see the underdog come through and make a play. The kid has heart.

What Actually Happened: Colt McCoy is the very definition of mediocre. It’s actually really sad that he’s making plays like this because it’s making him believe that he can be a starting NFL QB. In reality, he’s a grocery bagger.

4.

The Moment: Two Vikings players snuggle together on the bench.


What You Thought Happened: A heartwarming display of affection. It’s amazing that men who get paid to beat the shit out of each other for a living can share such an intimate moment. This inspired me to go hug a stranger.

What Actually Happened: Adrian Peterson is going to beat the shit out of these guys, probably with a tree branch.

5.

The Moment: Kyle Orton packs a victory lip.


What You Thought Happened: Another classic Kyle Orton moment. This is why we love him. He’s the drunk idiot friend who somehow made it as starting quarterback in the NFL.

What Actually Happened: Just another small step towards Orton’s inevitable mouth cancer diagnosis.

 

Gfycat’s via Reddit