Ryne Sandberg is just 55. He’s not 75. Not 80. Not 65 going on 75. The guy graduated high school in 1978, not 1955. So imagine my shock when I came across his Phoenix house for sale and saw that the interior of Ryno’s retreat makes it seem like he’s living during the offseason like he’s 75. Take a look around this 6,235 sq. ft. golf course house that he has listed for $3,800,000. Zero chance you won’t feel 75.
OK, so the pool area is nice and reminds me of people who are 55. The interior — no chance.
According to Ryno’s real estate agent:
THE BEST LOT ON THE CIRCLE! STUNNING VIEWS ACROSS LUSH FAIRWAYS FOLLOW UP TO SQUAW PEAK. CHARMING HOME BEAUTIFULLY APPOINTED INCLUDING FLAGSTONE & HARDWOOD FLOORS, ELEGANT CEILING & PICTURE MOLDINGS, CHEF’S KITCHEN W/GAGGENEAU GAS COOKTOP, SUBZERO, WINE STORAGE & GRANITE OPEN TO FAMILY ROOM.TRULY FLEXIBLE FLOOR PLAN WITH 5 BEDRMS IN MAIN HOUSE PLUS 3 MORE IN GUEST HOUSE W/LIVING AREA. THE PRIVATE DOUBLE GATED CIRCLE DRIVE ENCLOSES GARDEN LIKE GROUNDS W/FOUNTAINS, PEBBLE-TEC POOL, WADING POOL & KOI POND. 4 GARAGES, FLAGSTONE PATHS, AMPLE PARKING & SECURITY SYSTEM ADD TO THE AMENITIES OF THIS ONE OF A KIND BILTMORE RETREAT.
Not a single mention of all the wallpaper that needs to be ripped down. What the hell happened to this place? It looks like a Sherwin-Williams sales guy came to the door and gave Ryno’s wife an offer she couldn’t refuse.
Other Highlights Of Ryne’s Retirement Pad:
• 8 total bedrooms between the main house and guest house; 8 1/2 toilets
• Ryno paid $2.8 million in 2004 (seriously, he was living in this place in his 40s acting like he was 75!)
• That’s the Arizona Biltmore Golf Club…3.5 star course on Yelp
• Cheesecake Factory is just down the street
• It’s Phoenix…there are strip clubs all over the place
Mortgage: You’re looking at about $18,000 a month — at least — before you start talking about utilities like air conditioning for 10 months.
