[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfgS1lvqX8I]
Get this goofy shit off my Twitter timeline. I think this new Derek Jeter Gatorade commercial hit my timeline at around 10 EST, a perfect time to drop a video on the Internet by the marketing arm of Gatorade. East Coasters are in their office seats, already bored. iPhones start lighting up with tweets and messages from their friends. “I just came in my shorts over this Jeter video…OMG!”
I like when people say that Derek Jeter “did things the right way,” and that he “played the game with class.” You fuckers don’t know Derek Jeter. You’re seeing what a camera is showing your stupid ass.
The biggest victory in Derek Jeter’s career is that his prime ass chasing days didn’t occur during the Twitter era. The guy was done chasing ass by the time Twitter came around. He spent most of the Twitter era with Minka Kelly and Hannah Davis. He had graduated from hammering groupies and was into the actual relationship stage. Just to be careful, in 2013, he instituted a “no cameras policy” at his St. Jetersburg compound. I guess that policy is so people don’t see him deadheading around the garden.
Derek Jeter isn’t as holy as you want him to be. The guy has banged a who’s who of women (that we know of) over his career; it was once reported that The Captain gave one-night stands a special gift basket.
“Derek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball,” the friend dished.
“This summer, he ended up hooking up with a girl who he had hooked up with once before, but Jeter seemed to have forgotten about the first time and gave her the same identical parting gift, a gift basket with a signed Derek Jeter baseball,” the pal said.
“He basically gave her the same gift twice because he’d forgotten hooking up with her the first time!”
Nice guy.
The trap that so many of you fall into is that you are programmed by the image that has been portrayed of an individual. I once had an “entertainer” share a story with me about how a certain well-known baseball player that has always been hailed for being such a good guy and a classy baseball player is actually a complete scumbag. I was shocked because the player is completely clean within baseball.
From the YouTube page for the Gatorade video:
That’s actually more than one word, but you get the point he/she is trying to make. The premise of the video is great: Hero figures he’ll walk to the stadium to thank all the people who can’t afford to sit in the lower bowl at Yankee Stadium. Hero shakes hands with kids from the Bronx whose parents have to choose between keeping the electric on or going to a Yankees game. Hero waves to the fans who are so brainwashed that they’ll go buy some stupid retirement shirt or jersey. Hero gets ready to take the field but not before he nods with a Gatorade bucket in the background.
One final image whoring before leaving the game.
What people seem to forget is that Derek Jeter is a brand. He is his own corporation looking to use his image to tug at your heart and separate you from your money. The guy has made $265,159,364 playing baseball and wants even more. He’s coming after your soul with this Gatorade bullshit and you’re just going to fall for it. IT’S A FUCKING COMMERCIAL. Let’s see Jeter walk down the street saying thanks to the fans without getting paid. Let’s see Jeter walk into a bar and buy you a beer with the money he’s made from you buying $12 beers.
Modell’s, the major New York City retailer connected to the Yankees, is currently selling 173 Derek Jeter items. Many of the items are part of the “Exclusive Retirement Set.” They’re selling garbage like a Lego-like “infield set” for $30. Jeter piggy bank for the kids? $10. Need some worthless Derek Jeter retirement coins? Modell’s has you covered for $2.
Everyone is cashing in one last time and you’re the pawn in this cash-grab game. Gatorade is coming after you from one side. Modell’s is coming from another. Nike is in there battling it out to get you to buy shoes. The Yankees want you to buy tickets to the final worthless games. On and on and on. Stop letting black and white videos fool your brain.
And there’s more headed your way.
Besides the ad campaign, Gatorade will outfit the Yankees dugout with customized cups, coolers and towels featuring Jeter’s No. 2 in place of the Gatorade “G” during a game on Sept. 22.
And Gatorade will be running this ad.
He forgot one line: Thank you for your money.
