Ohio Man Plans To Sue NFL For $867,000,000,000,000 Over Halftime Show

Ohio Man’s going to file an $867 trillion lawsuit against the NFL over halftime show / via Facebook

Ohio Man Dave Daubenmire says on a Facebook video that he didn’t actually watch the Super Bowl halftime show live, but he saw enough of the show online to know it was soft core porn and now he’s promising a lawsuit to end all lawsuits in the amount of $867 TRILLION against the NFL and I assume Pepsi will be thrown in there since they sponsored J. Lo and Shakira.

Dave said of the footage he has analyzed, he saw a lot of “crotch shots.” He says he’s going to file this lawsuit for “pandering pornography” and to “contributing to the delinquency of a minor.” Dave, clearly a holy man, says it was a strip club performance. Now, I have no idea how Dave would know what a strip club performance is, but I guess we’ll take his word for it.

From the NY Post:

“J.Lo is 50,” he said. “You go on a porn website, you’re not looking for 50-year-old women.”

“I’m not here to tell the NFL what they can put on. I’m not here to tell anyone what they can watch,” Daubenmire said, according to the outlet. “But they don’t have the right in the middle of a game to broadcast soft porn.”

Daubenmire said he has spoken with a lawyer and plans to go forward with the lawsuit against the NFL, claiming he would be satisfied by scoring an $867 trillion settlement.

In a Thursday webcast, Daubenmire said he received backlash for his earlier post, including having been sent pornographic images and being propositioned for sex.

Dave’s real BIG beef is that there was no caution warning. You can watch his video and dig into the comments section where you’ll surely find someone to argue with. Go for it.

You’ll notice at the beginning Dave says he didn’t watch the game and then later says he watched it. I’ve lost track of all the flip-flops from Dave. He’s angry to be angry for his God who’s not going to do a damn thing about it. God would’ve put a stop to that show if He didn’t want to see it, Dave. Goddamn, quit being such a snowflake.

And Dave keeps railing about the “contributing to the delinquency of a minor” angle. A quick Google search tells us: Contributing to the delinquency of a child can be defined according to the Ohio Revised Code (ORC 2919.24) as behaving or acting in a way that resulted or could result in a child committing an offense.

Not sure what crime Shakira and J. Lo caused a kid to commit after that performance. And before I forget, Dave should release his Google search history. Prove to all of us you don’t whack it to PornHub.

Dave seems like a good dude

 

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