Who strapped the big black plastic penis on Commodore Perry in my Perfect town, Perrysburg, Ohio? Someone needs to step up and take responsibility and apologize to this perfect town I live in. The perpetrator of this crime made sure the dildo was on the statue during the Harrison Rally Days, the towns biggest event that brings the community together one last time before summer ends.
The high school band plays. Kids collect candy thrown from parade floats. Politicians smile and wave at people they’re about to rip off. Suburban parents get all emotional thinking about how they’ve found the perfect town to raise their children in.
Then the camera pans to the beautiful Commodore Perry statue looking into town named after him with the mighty Maumee River behind him. And there it is, a massive BBC. Folks, we officially have a situation in this town. People will be trying to figure out the perpetrator at the football games, at the local microbrew restaurants, at the salons, etc.
Do you know the BBC perpetrator? I just want to do an interview. Let me know and we can keep this anonymous.