Imagine being in the 70,000s on the Green Bay Packers waiting list and knowing that you’ll be long dead before your number is ever called for those season tickets you’ve been waiting for your entire life. For some it could cause you anxiety and the need to figure out a way to rid yourself of that anxiety. For a Packers fan in McFarland, Wisconsin that means going as far as asking someone to get married and divorced just so the tickets can be transferred in a divorce.
Of course this could just be a troll Craigslist post — but this is Wisconsin and people sit around thinking about those season tickets. Don’t forget Lambeau’s been sold out since the 1960s.
Ok, so I’m in the 70,000s after 10 years on the wait list and am beginning to realize that modern medicine isn’t going to get me to 216 years of age (thanks Obamacare). Therefore, I need a different way to acquire season tickets. Here’s how you can help:
1. If you are currently on the wait list and expect to be called up soon (under 1,000), I’d pay you for your spot. In order to accomplish this, I will legally change my name to yours right before you get your tickets. The Packers will have no idea. I’m not joking. I’ve thought about this for a long time.
2. If you currently have tickets and are a bit older, I’d pay you to leave to me in your will. We’d need to craft a story to make it work, though, since the Packers only allow them to be transferred to certain relatives. I’d cover adult adoption fees, if you wanted to go that route. Again, not joking. As your son, I’ll also send you Father’s Day and/or Mother’s Day gifts.
3. If you are single, man or woman, I will marry you and pay all expenses plus additional cash for your inconvenience. Then we get divorced and you can transfer the tickets to me as part of the divorce decree. We can time it correctly so we maximize our joint tax refund too and take advantage of the marriage benefits.
I’m serious about this. I’ll marry and divorce you, change my name to your name, or become your son. Let’s make this happen.
Go Pack Go!
How long is the Packers season ticket waiting list? Let’s go to vintage Rovell…I’m talking all the way back to 2012.
Packers season ticket waiting list hits 100K names. Those who signed up after '95 likely won't get tickets in lifetime http://t.co/ANK0rcNk
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) September 27, 2012
He went definitive with this 2017 tweet:
Anyone who signed up for the Green Bay Packers season ticket waiting list after 2000 will not get tickets in their lifetime.
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) September 16, 2017
https://www.instagram.com/p/B1U9SqYHjaV/
