Two Nuns Accused of Embezzling Half a Million Dollars From Catholic School to Gamble in Vegas

CBS Philly Two longtime nuns at St. James Catholic School in Torrance allegedly embezzled as much as $500,000 in tuition, fees, and donations, perhaps spending some of the money on trips and gambling at casinos while telling parents the school was operating on a shoestring budget, officials and parents told the Long Beach Press-Telegram.

Bank records show Sister Mary Margaret Kreuper and Sister Lana Lang were embezzling from the school for at least 10 years, the Press-Telegram reports.

They kept up the charade, telling parents that the school was operating on a tight budget, all the while using the embezzled funds for lavish vacations and trips to the casino.

Note: I pray the good Lord forgives me for all of the jokes I am going to make in this blog. Thank you.

Wow. It’s December 10th and I think the Degenerate of the Year crown may have just been stolen at the buzzer. These two nuns have been embezzling from their own school for TEN YEARS so that they could go off and party in Vegas. Sister Mary Margaret was the brains of the operation. As principal, she handled all of the tuition checks and finances for St. James Catholic School. As these parents try to do the absolute best for their children and get them a nice private, Catholic education, Sister Mary Margaret is secretly depositing half of these tuition checks into an account labeled “Hookers and Cocaine.”

I’m a big fan of the movie The Hangover, but if I’m being honest it would be 100x better if it was starring Sister Lana and Sister Mary Margaret (as a matter of fact, I am calling dibs on the rights to a movie about these two right now and if anybody steals my idea I will sue them to high hell). The story of them embezzling half a mil from their Catholic school, getting a suite at the Bellagio, getting bottles of Dom brought up to their room, hitting the casino until approximately 5 AM putting little Jimmy’s entire year’s tuition on black. Just phenomenal.

The low key best part of this story is that they told the parents at the school that they were operating on a super tight budget. They were still using textbooks that referred to Hitler as an “up and coming German politician” because Sister Lana was ice cold on the Blackjack table the previous weekend.

“Sorry kids, we had to cut off the water fountains. That water bill was just too high.” -Sister Mary Margaret as she books a cabana for the weekend at the Caesar’s pool.

I feel bad that the Hall of Fame run from these two degenerate nuns had to come to an end, but I am so glad that this story has come to light. Not so that they can be shamed, or punished by the law, but so that they can get the glory they so rightly deserve.

If my degenerate career can even sniff the bottom of these Sisters’ shoes then I will be happy with my run. Every bet I make this week will be in your honor Sisters. Cheers to you.

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