Bama Fan Gets Drunk, Crashes His Truck, Held At Gunpoint, Gun Shoved Up His Ass Drops Out At Jail

Update: Florence, AL cops say they’ll sanitize the gun that Bama fan had shoved up the “body cavity” before it goes back to its rightful owner.

First of all, I have all hands on deck trying to figure out if Alabama Man Jesse O’Neal Roberts is wearing a Roll Tide shirt in his mugshot taken early today after he was arrested for public intox and having a stolen gun shoved up his ass. Yeah, more on that later, that’s the real story here.

(Before I go any further, I need people in Alabama and Florida to have crazier first and last names to make searching through Facebook much easier. This guy is 23 and it’s impossible to sift through all the Jesse Roberts on FB. Also, I can’t figure out if this wild man has family or if he was raised by a wolf pack. I can usually break these open real fast.)

Anyway, here’s the arrest report out of Limestone County:

ALERT: @LimestoneCoSO found a stolen pistol they say Jesse O'Neal Roberts had hidden "in his body cavity." Full release here.

— Nick Lough (@NickLough) March 28, 2017

BTW, our friends @IsolatedBammers¬†were able to track down Jesse’s Facebook page and found enough proof to give us that glorious headline.¬†

Well lookey there, it’s a .380 caliber hand gun up Jesse’s ass!

“I immediately considered that he defecated on himself before noticing a familiar shape in the form of a pistol in his boxers,” a corrections officer said in a report.

That’s a .380 Jimenez – below – not the actual gun Jesse popped out. Now maybe the gun wasn’t shoved completely up Jesse’s ass because that would require some weird angling. Maybe he was just hiding the tip up in there and had the rest of it squeezed between the cheeks. We’ll check with the sheriff to get his interpretation.