Andy Dalton Looked Like A Slob & Other MLB All-Star Bash Party Observations

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It was just a matter of time before I had an in-person meeting with Andy Dalton, the ginger who has ripped my Bengals heart out for four years now. There was going to be a situation where the Red Rifle…the Interception Machine…the Ginger 007…was going to be inches from me and I would have to be a bigger person and not boo him on a red carpet.

And then Andy Dalton strolled up to the red carpet last night at the MLB All-Star Bash party at an old Cincinnati printing facility. Red carpet…Ginger Dalton…her we go. I was expecting big things out of the Rifle. This is, after all, the town he runs.

There he came…strolling across a parking lot with the thick humidity playing tricks on that ginger hair. Mrs. Ginger was right there next to him. And it looked like the couple had just went on a neighborhood walk, got home, jumped in the car and went to the MLB party. I’m talking Nike Tech Fleece, Mrs. Ginger (Jordan) in yoga pants and Reds hat. The Royal Couple of Cincinnati literally looked like they just got done with a 5k.

I couldn’t believe it.

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Other observations from the MLB ASG party:

I already documented Charissa Thompson through my iPhone.

• Where do the party chicks keep their iPhones at these events? Those dresses don’t have pockets that I know of.

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• Snoop got out of a Sprinter-like van at like 1 a.m. and there wasn’t a cloud of smoke…disappointed.

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• Eric Davis still looks like he could go 40-40.

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• Saw Bryce Harper splashing a bottle of water on his face over a trash can with maybe 2-3 people watching. The guy is a true gamer. It’s not an act!

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• Two-thirds of the Nasty Boys were there; Joe Oliver was with Dibble and Norm Charlton. Dibs actually looked to be in the best shape of the three.

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• Macklemore is like 5-5, 118; Eat a vegan burger, bro.

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• Had no idea MLB would open up the liquor cabinet like they did…easily a Top 3 drunkest sports/celebrity party I’ve been to.

• Barry Larkin is just a really nice guy. Want a photo at like 1:30 in the morning? He’s cool with that.

• Easily the hottest (temperature) party I’ve ever been to. At least 110-degrees. Ladies just drenched in sweat.

• The portable toilet trailers were air conditioned, which made things awkward because it was difficult to stop taking a leak and going back into the furnace

Grade: B-

Analysis: Person in charge of the A/C should be fired; Bonus points for the liquor and the hat/shirt giveaways; Pretty good group of athletes in attendance; Girls were Ohio quality…needed to import some hired guns from L.A.