My Dad Should Teach Adrian Peterson A Better Spanking System


 
From what I can remember it was the summer and I was probably 10 or 11. Something like that. My brother, three years older, and we have much responsibility that summer. We slept until we felt like getting up, ate what we wanted, watched whatever we wanted and rode our bikes to the pool when we got bored of sitting around the house. It was pretty much a frat house during the day, but you had to enjoy the frat house before dad got home at 4; mom got home at a more traditional 5:30 or so. That meant dad, who set the rules for the day, would get to analyze how we followed the simple rules he would set. He’d have a simple chore for us. Just accomplish something before hitting the pool.
It might’ve been dishes or cleaning up the shit that piled up from our daily frat bashes. Clean shit up — that was his rule.
Annnnnnd…..of course we tested his ass on these rules. You see what you can get away with. You don’t do the dishes. Instead, you get on your bike, ride to the pool and do gainers off the high-dive for a few hours and eat garbage from the snack bar.
That’s what led to the ass chewings. Dad gave us fair warning: Quit fucking up or there would be a level of punishment that he inferred was an “attitude adjustment” process. Ass chewings were the warning process.
There was this belt my dad wore to his construction job. Leather. Old, worn leather. I can still hear the clank of the buckle. He would hang that belt on a doorknob to a pantry door in the kitchen. It was a visual reminder that you might want to follow a couple rules before going to the pool.
Annnnnd…of course we tested him even after the ass chewings.
And the belt came off the doorknob. And he used that belt. And he lit our asses up. It happened like it happened in plenty of houses. My dad had his ass lit up by his WWII veteran father. My uncles had their asses lit up by grandpa. In a family loaded with boys — and I mean wild-ass Kinsey boys who obviously needed a little discipline — leather belts were “attitude adjusters.” You stood there and took some attitude adjusting. The adjustments had a level of understanding: Don’t try to cover your ass with your hand or it’s just going to prolong the process; There’s no need for multiple swats. Your ass goes numb after the first one so a second isn’t going to matter.
We would go to our rooms, ass lit up and tears streaming. Eventually we figured out that it was better to just stop being little morons and the attitude adjustments would cease. And that was that. I never really think of that belt these days unless something like Adrian Peterson lighting up his son hits the news.
There’s something very disturbing about Peterson’s level of attitude adjusting. 
Age:
I’m sure my brother and I received a couple of ass swats when we were 4, the same age as Peterson’s boy. Those, I assume, would’ve been considered “attention-getters” by my father. My mom would’ve used this tactic, but it would’ve been a quick process; we would’ve shed a few tears and that would be that. Peterson, on the other hand, left multiple wounds via a switch. The guy went balls to the walls on a four-year old.
According to Houston Sports Radio 610: there were “cuts and bruises to the child’s back, buttocks, ankles, legs and scrotum, along with defensive wounds to the child’s hands.”

 
 
There seems to me to be a huge difference between “attention-getters” and assault. Bringing blood and leaving gashes tends to be on the assault side.
Father Figure: 
Peterson allegedly put leaves in his son’s mouth before his whoopings. He allegedly did this to a boy who doesn’t live with him full-time. That’s not a father figure. That’s not going through an “attitude adjustment” process like John Kinsey’s version. It sounds like Peterson had too much focus on how to inflict pain. That’s not being a father figure. It’s being demented and out of control.
Does Spanking Work:
Uh, it didn’t take us long to realize it was much better to just do the dishes before going to the pool instead of getting our asses lit up. Now, as for Peterson, I think he has trouble coming down the road. The guy allegedly had a whooping room. That’s next-level crazy shit right there. When you’re hiding an ass whoopin’ that leaves blood, you might want to reassess your level of punishment and your anger. This is more on a demented level. Demented level shit might not be forgotten.
John Kinsey received corporal punishment in an Ohio school. That’s what his generation went through. It’s what he understood. The school principal went through a process and things were more on a professional level. I know, it sounds weird, but that seems to be the difference between how fathers level punishment. There are Adrian Peterson types and then there are the guys who aren’t going for blood — the school principal type.
Final Analysis:
Peterson shouldn’t play. It’s a bad look to have him on a football field. You just sit him. Have him lay low. Take at least a month off. The guy should do some anger management, stay away from media and come back after things settle down.
I’ll be leaving on Oct. 2 for our annual father-son SEC football trip. This year it’ll be a nine-hour car ride from Ohio to Auburn, Alabama. That will leave plenty of time to ask my dad about spankings and what he feels about the subject these days. I’m assuming he hasn’t changed his stance on the need for “professional” spankings for children who still need to understand the “attitude adjustment” process. Something also tells me my dad will be disturbed by what Peterson did to that boy.
Top photo Hannah Foslien/Getty Images; Graphic photo Chris McGrath/Getty Images

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