Janet Gretzky is 53, has five kids and a body that still kicks the shit out of most 25-year-old Instagram chicks filtering photos to hide the mess. I have no idea how Janet does it, but she gets on boat roofs like she’s 23 again. Then she jumps off the roofs for no apparent reason. She’s what Paulina was before she got hooked up with coke head Dustin Johnson. Paulina used to Insty all the fun shit she was doing on a daily basis being the daughter of the most famous hockey player in the world.
I want shit like Janet jumping off boats. I want things like Janet in 1800 Alaskan snow moccasins. That’s why I get up in the morning. Give me something interesting.
Think about your mom at 53. Was she jumping off boat roofs? Of course she wasn’t. She was busy lounging in the back of the boat getting ripped on vodka and orange juice. Paulina needs to think real hard about what’s going on here. Janet is just shoving it in Paulina’s face that she’s more of a party. Seriously, I want to party with Janet right now in Idaho. I want to have water slide races. Naked water slide races after we drink bottles of expensive champagne.
Your move, Paulina.