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Oneitis is a psychological fixation that affects many men (and women!) today. It is the imagined idealization of a ‘perfect person’ in someone else.
You find that one person you think you will love for the rest of your life. You’re obsessed with them! No one else is worthy of your love and affection but them.
The problem is that this feeling begins to impact you in detrimental ways. Your obsession with her becomes a problem.
Nothing is healthy about oneitis once it progresses beyond a simple crush. Nevertheless, it’s a natural experience and CAN happen to anyone.
Realizing how you’ve become obsessed with a girl will set you on the path to recovery. Mostly, you must realize it’s not even the person herself you’re obsessing over. It’s an idealized image you have created!
Fixations like this can waste your time, drain your emotions – and hurt you badly.
So: do you have trouble getting rid of that insatiable need to possess or depend on someone? This guide is for you.
In it, I will share key tips that will get you on the right path. Keep reading!
Signs of Oneitis
Many guys may have this disease of the heart and don’t even realize it. The first step to putting your house in order is recognizing it for what it is.
I’ve had many guys ask me how they could get that one special girl. A deeper chat always reveals an obsession they don’t even realize they have.
So, to start, I want to share seven signs of obsession to look for. These come from my personal experience and what I have witnessed in many others.
1. The “Thirsty Texter Syndrome”
Are you sending more messages than you are receiving? You may be suffering from oneitis!
Here is a rule of thumb when texting a girl: only send another text in quick succession after receiving feedback from the previous one.
I advise every man to follow the “two-thirds” rule. For every three texts she sends, you send two.
If you discover the conversation thinning into nothing while using this rule, she is not yours. Do not let yourself be trapped in the obsession, no matter how hot she is!
2. Nailing Her Down Seems Impossible
You have tried scheduling several dates, but all you get is “I’m sorry, not tonight,” or “I am busy that day.”
Take that as a hint. She is not interested in meeting you. She would suggest another day, time, and even place if she were.
A woman who wants you will do much to make it possible. If she doesn’t, and you keep insisting, you are obsessed. Quit her like a bad habit, meet some other (more interested) girls, and you live a happier life!
3. You Invest More than Necessary in the Relationship
A good relationship is a two-way street. There is giving and receiving in equal proportion.
Women are not good at communicating a lack of interest in a man in obvious ways (well, unless you are good at taking a hint!). In your mind, she is perfect, so you invest it all in her. Yet this girl feels different.
Sometimes, she will lie that she is invested, but she is not. You might just be her backup in case she needs you later.
Read the signs in her actions. Is she doing as much for the relationship as you are doing? Answering this question will give you a clue about the direction of this connection.
4. More Negative Outcomes than Positives in Your Efforts
You are bound to make many mistakes when obsessed with a woman. This often starts (or worsens) when you begin to feel depressed, jealous, anxious, or sad about your relationship.
A good relationship makes you feel happy. It does not strain you.
If it’s a woman you haven’t gotten yet, it might seem like she is being too elusive. The more she rejects you, the more you want her.
Your obsession causes you to forget everything else in your life. You don’t care much about your job, home, chores, and other people around you. If this is happening, she’s a drain, not an addition – and an obsession, not a relief!
5. Idealizing Love Where There Is None
Have you ever met a girl you really like, perhaps in a bar? You share a few drinks and then exchange contacts.
Later, you take her home and get together for the night. You share the most romantic time, and she even wears your T-shirt the next morning.
When you part ways, you feel so happy. You even text her asking when you can meet again, thinking you are in love.
That is oneitis. It can make you lose the woman even if you could have had something going on!
Keep it in mind: show interest, but don’t move too fast for her. Don’t chase closeness or togetherness. That’s the woman’s job!
Thinking too much about romance and not enough about chasing a real purpose in life can lead to a bad ending. Your obsession with romance grows stronger – and your hold on this girl weaker – every day.
It’s common among daters. People rush to see romance more when it’s not reciprocated!
6. The ‘Benefit of a Doubt’ Effect
If you find the right woman, your friends and family will be happy and congratulate you. But if they start warning you more than encouraging you, something’s wrong.
The problem is that an obsessed man will never see the faults in the woman he wants. She is always a perfect creature.
Thus, you make excuses for her, even when she doesn’t treat you right.
How to Cure Oneitis
Now that you realize you have the problem, how do you deal with it? Here are several steps that will point you in the right direction; a direction of mental liberty – and the freedom to pursue more interested girls (or, at the very least, deal with this one from a position of equanimity).
1. Face It Head On
The first step to healing from a drug addiction is accepting that you have a problem. The same is true with oneitis.
Experts have argued that falling in love is as addictive as using a drug. Just like with drug addiction, admitting that you are obsessed with someone opens the path to recovery.
It’s not easy to admit that you have oneitis. If anything, you will want to give any excuse for why that woman is “the one.”
However, it’s essential to confess it out loud. The idea is to unravel the emotional mess.
2. Try Other Women
Now that you have admitted you have a problem, it’s time to move forward. One way of doing so is to start engaging with other women.
Your masculinity may be telling you to stay with her to prove faithfulness because you’re hoping something will happen. It won’t.
Meeting someone new, engaging with her, flirting, and opening up to her can cure your oneitis. It’s all about fixing your mind on someone else.
3. Cut Your Connection
Oneitis can make you want to see that person all the time. You will text, call, stalk, and do crazy things just to get in touch.
It only hurts you more.
One of the best ways to eliminate oneitis is to stop all that. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t look for them.
Starting a relationship with someone else makes this easier. It allows you to clear your mind and start rebuilding yourself.
Your life will improve drastically the moment you take this step. Liberating yourself from that bondage gives you tremendous freedom.
4. Give Her Some Space
A man who completely invests in a relationship wants to do everything for the woman. He spends his energy doing everything right. But he doesn’t get the same return.
It’s time to cut back on your energy. A one-sided relationship does not go far. When you are the one who always initiates everything in your relationship, unless she always eagerly complies and LETS you lead, it’s a dead end. Time to cut the cord!
5. Remember Your Other Obligations
What is your purpose in life? As a man, you must focus on this more than anything else, especially when pursuing a woman.
It’s one of the fail-safe mechanisms I have used before, and it always works.
A man who is constantly pursuing other purposes in life will not have the time, energy, or attention span to obsess over a woman. Use this opportunity to become the man you’ve always wanted to be.
6. Take A Camping Trip
The next step to healing from oneitis is to change your scenery. Traveling is an effective way of hitting that reset button.
Reliving and sharing stories of our experiences evokes happier moods. When you travel, camp, and see new places, you create new mental images. These are new experiences, while other things in your mind become old.
So, get in your car and start driving. Put on your ‘savage mode’ and connect yourself to Mother Nature. You will come back a changed man.
7. Meet More People
Meeting new people and expanding your social circles can be an excellent way of overcoming oneitis. Many places make it easy to socialize.
You can use social media and dating applications to travel the world in the comfort of your home. Chat with people, and it will take your mind off the obsession.
Take a class, join a book club, go to the gym, or join a sports club. All these are avenues to get you out, stay active, and meet people.
All are healthy ways of resetting your life. Go out whenever there is an opportunity.
Final Thoughts
Oneitis is not always a bad thing. In most cases, it’s the spark in the first step to building a lasting relationship.
However, it depends on how invested she is in the relationship, just like you. When it’s one-sided, it becomes something else.
Frantic obsession over a woman is never healthy. It sets you up for constant disappointment when things with her do not go your way. It traps you with her, too, as you ignore other women who actually ARE interested to focus on this one who is NOT.
Oneitis prevents you from achieving your real purposes in life, and blocks you from ever actually getting to enjoy intimacy with a flesh-and-blood (rather than imagined) woman. Let it go!
I hope this guide has been helpful. Now, you know if you suffer from oneitis – and you know how to overcome it.
