5 Things To Do With Your Time If Twitter Is Laid To Rest

BARCELONA, SPAIN - SEP 30, 2015: Hand holding a mobile phone and using the social network Twitter application.

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Thursday night seemed like a night where we all met at the bar and talked about our toxic friend that left us far too soon. Twitter’s demise was written in the stars for many of its users on Thursday night. While we’re not sure what time we have left in this Twitter world, having a backup plan may not be a bad idea. Here are 5 things to do with your time if Twitter kicks the bucket.

5. Meet Friends In Public

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The absolute sheer panic in my mind as I typed “in public” was enough for me to jump in my bed with only my underoos on and immediately text the four friends I have and say, “I’ll think about it.” Without Twitter, we could be heading for dark times. Like looking at one another in person and… talking. I’m gonna be sick.

4. Read A Book

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Listen, there are only so many times a man can read Gary Paulsen’s Hatchet. A true gem when it came to knocking out my reading log in middle school. But, I didn’t come here to play reading. I prefer my reading to be less than 500 characters, and it needs to involve something that will make me actually LOL. However, if we must read a book, I have the perfect one for everyone on Twitter.

3. Join Christian Mingle

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If Twitter has taught me one thing, it’s that some of y’all need Jesus. Maybe it’s time for us all to fire up Christian Mingle and find ourselves the perfect significant other. Perhaps you find a wholesome girl who only sends her nudes to the preacher. Maybe you find the perfect guy who only beats on his wife in the comfort of his own home. The possibilities are endless.

2. Resurrect Myspace

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I think all of us old enough to remember are ready to admit we made a mistake. Tom was our first friend, and he guided us through the beginning stages of our social media lives. Whenever we needed to tell the world, we just had a milkshake, or when we wanted to display our love for the new T-Pain song and make it a profile song. Myspace walked so Twitter could run. It’s time we revert to our old ways. Tommy boy, we’re coming home!

1. Go Outside And Breathe Fresh Air

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I was today years old when I found out that grass is green. With the potential collapse of Twitter, I thought I would take a gander outside and see what all the fuss was about. Trees, cold air, getting dark at 4:00 every day. I’ve seen enough. Twitter better pull through.

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