JJ Watt’s Bachelor-Like Engagement To Kealia Ohai

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Of course JJ Watt was going to make his engagement to professional soccer player Kealia Ohai look like it was part of a Bachelor script. This is Mr. Scripted himself getting engaged so there was going to be the perfect setting out on a point on the water. Of course there was going to be a drone in the air. Of course there was going to be a yacht in the background of the photos. Of course there was going to be candles and roses lining the dock.

Did you honestly think JJ Watt could get engaged without making it a huge production that would look good on social media? Of course he couldn’t. Do you think his future bride just thought they were going out to that point to watch the sun set and maybe JJ would sing a song for her? Of course she didn’t.

But good for them. Nobody loves a production like this guy and now he gets to go into wedding groomzilla mode where he can sell off the rights to the engagement pics and wedding pics and the cake and the shoes and the watch and the meat served at the reception. This just might be the very first NFL wedding where the groom miraculously finds a brand to sponsor every single aspect of the wedding.

And you’re damn right there will be scripted surprises. Oh look, JJ Watt’s on Entertainment Tonight talking about where he’s going on his honeymoon. Oh look, there’s JJ Watt talking to The Athletic about taking time to reflect on his life at his Wisconsin cabin.

And then, God willing, there will be the drama associated with the birth of their first child and the big baby reveal and all that stuff. I swear to God JJ Watt was a SEC sorority girl in another life.

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