Blakey Locks Does The Super Bowl: Day One

Blakey Locks has been sent to Atlanta to take on Super Bowl Week as a (semi) legitimate media member. For better or worse, it is going to be an interesting trip so I will keep you up to date with my travels here.

So a couple weeks ago my boss decided that he would make the incredibly irresponsible decision to send me to Super Bowl Week in Atlanta to do the media rounds. Now, I have never done anything like this for. I’ve never been credentialed for anything, I’ve never really been around important people to be totally frank. But I was entrusted with the mission of shaking some hands and making some content so that’s what I’m going to (attempt to) do.

So I got up on Wednesday and prepared to make the journey from Columbia, South Carolina to Atlanta, Georgia. I hopped in the car and quickly made a pit stop to get some Chick-Fil-A in my system. Once my Ford Escape touched down in Atlanta it was time to prepare for my first event of the week, the Vault Media Super Bowl Party hosted by Jay Glazer. And when I say prepare for the event I mean I got some drinks in my system to get rid of any nerves I had. I was technically supposed to be working the red carpet but I was there to get deep into the party and really figure out how rich people live.

Upon arrival, I strolled right into the party and was immediately asked to check out the silent auction. As a Jets fan, I figured I would throw my name down on the Joe Namath autographed helmet just for fun even though I knew I wouldn’t win. Well, it turned out the minimum bid on the CHEAPEST item was $750 soooo I couldn’t even risk putting my name down. Next, I decided to do a lap and look for some #celebs. To nobody’s surprise, the first media member to show up was Clay Travis. He was the definition of an eager beaver, getting to the party at the same time as a loser like me. Now, who is the only man in Atlanta lamer than me and Clay Travis?

The honorable Commissioner Roger Goodell. That’s right, our fearless leader was in the building looking to party with Blakey Locks. I asked him to take a shot with me, but he was having no part of it. Coward.

At this point, the drinks began to flow quite heavily and I was really feelin’ myself. Here is a quick list of people of interest I also saw at the party:

Terrell Owens– that’s right T.O. was in the building. He rolled in super late in the night with shades on and a big crew with him. He ran right through the crowd, rejecting some nerds asking for a picture, and went straight to the VIP section.

Matthew Berry– the fantasy king was walking around the joint taking pictures with every white guy that handed their girlfriends/wives their phone. The women seemed very confused why their man was interested in this guy.

Chris Broussard– the #sources king himself was at the party all night and the drinks were flowing fast

Steve Smith, Tony Gonzales– these were just cool guy athletes being cool guy athletes. All business.

Suzy Kolber, Hannah Storm, Charissa Thompson– I wanted to ask Suzy if she was bidding on the Namath autographed helmet too. I wanted to ask Hannah Storm if that’s her real name because I’ve always thought it was a stage name. I had a lottt of questions for Charissa about a recent viral video… but I didn’t have a chance (the balls) to ask any of them.

Jay Glazer– this guy is diesel. He was the host of the event and I think he was born to host events. Just a smooth cat. I told him I loved him in HBO’s critically acclaimed series Ballers.

Ian Rapoport– of all the celebs at the event, the NFL’s #1 reporter was the coolest guy I met. I introduced myself at the bar expecting just a quick hello but Ian and I ended up shooting the shit for like 15-20 minutes. Such a cool guy and it was also really weird hearing him swear. We are good friends now.

So it was a star-studded event including your boy Blakey Locks. It was a great time had by all and a night none of us will ever forget.

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Thank you all for reading. My Thursday update should be coming later tonight.