Blakey Locks the Degenerate Gambling Intern Betting Guide: College Football Week Six

Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.

College Football Week Six

We’ve already made it to Week Six. This season is flying by faster than the money leaving my bank account. In college football, the contenders are starting to separate themselves from the pretenders. Some teams have already eliminated themselves from playoff contention, while some teams still control their own destiny on their way to the National Championship. This is the time of the year when players and coaches get desperate, but above all, gamblers get desperate. For some of us, it has actually been a lucrative season so far (that’ll change), for others it is a steep uphill climb to salvage a season that won’t cause your wife to divorce you. Luckily, I’m here for both of those groups.

Bad Beat of Week Five

Every week I will be bringing you the worst beat of the previous weekend. These are one of the few bets that you actually played perfectly, but you still got your heart ripped out at the last second.
Week Five’s worst beat comes to you from beautiful Lubbock, Texas, home of the Texas Tech Red Raiders. Last week they played host to West Virginia, making it a battle of two explosive offenses. The total was set at 75.5. I thought that was a crazy overreaction to the points Texas Tech had been scoring recently, so I pounded that under. Things did not start great, as 35 points were scored in the first quarter. I thought it was one of those bets that I wouldn’t even have to pay attention to in the second half because it was already lost. However, things really started to turn my way and there were only 52 points on the board after three quarters. It was a sure fire winner.
There were three minutes left on the clock and there would need to be two more touchdowns to go over. Then Texas Tech decided it was an opportune time to throw a pick six. One touchdown. Then it was just on the ‘Neers defense to not allow a garbage time TD. Well, Texas Tech returned the kick to midfield and then chipped their way down the field and pounded in a touchdown with 38 seconds left. The extra point sailed through the uprights to put the total at 76… Over by half a point. West Virginia kneeled out the clock, as I crumpled to the floor in the fetal position clinging to a White Claw (#WhiteClawGang).

Degenerate of the Week

To nominate yourself or a friend for Degen of the Week, Tweet or DM submissions to me @BlakeKrass on Twitter.
This week’s Degen of the Week comes to you from the Degen capital of the world, Las Vegas. In the sportsbooks of Las Vegas you can find some of the seediest, yet greatest degenerates in the world. From professionals to guys that are trying to resurrect their kid’s college fund on San Jose State +10, Vegas truly is the best. This week we have an absolute buffoon who must have straight up fuck you money. There is no other explanation for placing the bet that he placed.

Just preposterous. Obviously, Alabama was never in a million years going to lose to Louisiana-Lafayette. As much as I love the Ragin’ Cajuns, them trying to beat Alabama is like me trying to get a date with Alexis Ren. It’s really fun to dream about, but it’s never gonna happen.

The Bama of women.
I digress.
This guy just wanted to throw down a thousand dollar bet, sit back, and watch his winnings ($1.60) pile up. And for that, he is our Degenerate of the Week.

Marquee Matchups

The fun is over. It’s time to get down to business. You naturally want to bet the games you’re going to watch. So, I have the “Mountains are Blue Ice Cold Locks” for those games right here.

#19 Texas @ #7 Oklahoma (-8) o/u60.5

Noon EST on FOX
Every year we hear that “Texas is back” and every year they massively underperform. This year seemed to be exactly the same. They lost their opener to Maryland for the second year in a row, which is honestly pretty embarrassing. HOWEVA, since then they have gone 4-0 including wins over USC and TCU. Oklahoma, on the other hand, has had one of the best offenses in the country led by Oakland A’s star, Kyler Murray. There are two big factors weighing into this one for me. #1 I have an Oklahoma to win the Big 12 future, which doesn’t matter to any of you, but it factors into my decision, so live with it. #2 In huge rivalry games I usually go with whatever memory stands out in my head in games between those two teams. For some that might be Baker Mayfield or maybe Colt McCoy. But for me, it’s this guy right here.

Fat Vince Young is going to determine my pick for this one.
CFL Vince Young Lock of the Week: Texas +8

#5 LSU @ #22 Florida (+2.5) o/u 43.5

3:30 p.m. EST on CBS

God, I love Coach O. Everyone (including me) doubted him and LSU going into this season. They have done nothing but prove the haters wrong at every turn. This week they are finally getting some respect as favorites on the road against a ranked Florida team. Coach O is going to fit in well with the Gainesville locals as most of them can’t speak English either. LSU is going to ride that Coach O magic and come into the swamp AND STOMP THE GATORS. But actually, I’ve been betting against LSU all year so this is probably the week that they finally lose.
Coach O “Geaux Tigers” Lock of the Decade: LSU -2.5, o43.5

#6 Notre Dame @ #24 Virginia Tech (+6.5) o/u 65.5

8:00 p.m. EST on ABC

What an intriguing matchup. Notre Dame is in a similar boat to Texas where they’re supposed to go undefeated every year and usually finish 8-4. However, they are 5-0 and have already won the hardest game on their schedule against Stanford. That’s exactly why they are going to lose this game. Notre Dame always ends up losing a game and ruining their shot at a National Title. Except for that one time… and how did that go?

That’s what I thought.
Virginia Tech is also a weird team. They went on the road and beat Florida State, but then we learned that Florida State is atrocious. Then they decided to lose to MY ODU Monarchs (S/O the 757) in one of the biggest upsets of the season. Then last week they turned around and beat the hell out of Duke as 5 point dogs. Confusing to say the least. Despite that, the pick here is far too clear.

Notre Dame is Faker Than Manti Te’o’s Girlfriend Lock of the Season: Virginia Tech +5

Locks of the Week

This guide is meant to be fun, but if you came here for picks I will indulge you. Here are the locks of the week outside the Marquee Matchups.
Michigan State -10.5 vs. Northwestern
Arkansas +35 vs. Alabama
FSU +14 vs. Miami
Wake Forest +20 vs. Clemson
Colorado -2.5 vs. Arizona State, u64.5
Kentucky +6 vs. Texas A&M
Mississippi State +4 vs. Auburn
Best of luck this weekend my degenerate brethren. Make sure you check out the NFL Week Five Betting Guide to try to make back your Saturday losses.
Remember, the only way to lose in gambling is to quit.
Let’s win.

Ohio High School Football Player Loses Part Of His Leg To Cancer, Will Suit Up Friday Night
Ohio High School Football Player Loses Part Of His Leg To Cancer, Will Suit Up Friday Night
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