Miami (OH) Hockey Player Takes Dump, Busts Out 25-Inch Tapeworm, FaceTimes His Mom

Happy 50th to my awesome momma!!! Glad I could spend the day with you love you!!!! pic.twitter.com/pf1WWJ4Fgq

— Carson Meyer (@Cmeys18) July 4, 2017

Here I was just doing some normal Internet cruising tonight — porn, Twitter, Yahoo Sports!, LVRJ, Las Vegas Sun, etc. — when I happen to see a blog from what is now Puck Daddy and it’s about a kid named Carson Meyer at Miami (OH) who couldn’t figure out why he was feeling terrible through the 2017-18 season. Meyer, a Columbus Blue Jackets draft pick, couldn’t get going and psychiatrists were brought in.

Meyer, 20, went through weight loss and things got so bad that an opposing coach asked Miami players if Meyer had cancer. Turns out none of the things he was tested for were the culprit. The culprit was intestinal. Meyer just needed to take a healthy dump to find his answer.

From The Athletic (guess that site might be worth getting after all):

“I was going to the bathroom, just like normal,” Meyer said. “And it came out.”

It was a 25-inch tapeworm — the head, the neck and all of the segments, about 50 of them. It was orange. Meyer almost fainted.

“I FaceTimed my mom and was like, ‘What the hell is this thing?’ ” Meyer said. “I was freaking out. Absolutely freaking out.”

HOLY HELL! A 25-INCH TAPEWORM WAS UP IN MEYER!!! UNDERCOOKED FISH COULD’VE BEEN THE CULPRIT. WOW! WOW! WOW! It’s also believed that the tapeworm had been in Meyer for up to a year. The good news here is that the tapeworm didn’t get to 30-feet like some are known to get.

Here’s what the CDC says these tapeworms like Meyer had up in him look like:

The CDC reports:

Diphyllobothrium latum and related species (the fish or broad tapeworm), the largest tapeworms that can infect people, can grow up to 30 feet long. While most infections are asymptomatic, complications include intestinal obstruction and gall bladder disease caused by migration of proglottids. Diagnosis is made by identification of eggs or segments of the tapeworm in a stool sample with a microscope. Safe and effective medications are available to treat Diphyllobothrium. Infections are acquired by eating raw or undercooked fish, usually from the Northern Hemisphere (Europe, newly independent states of the Former Soviet Union, North America, Asia), but cases have also been reported in Uganda and Chile. Fish infected with Diphyllobothrium larvae may be transported to and consumed in any area of the world. Adequately freezing or cooking fish will kill the parasite.

Let’s get back to this part where Meyer FaceTime’d the dump to his mom. That right there is an all-timer. It’s like opening that present on Christmas morning and you just have to show mom what Santa brought you. Meyer knew right away he had his answer. Never been so sure in his life. That has to be an incredible feeling after so many sleepless nights.

Of course the massive tapeworm in the toilet will haunt him for the rest of his life. That has to be a sight you don’t forget and don’t think for a second the media’s not going to ask him about that the rest of his hockey career. He’s going to end up in some ECHL city and that’s going to be the first thing the local Big J wants to know about. Guaranteed.

Carson looks happy to have that 25-incher out of his system: