The Lions Should Back Up A Brinks Truck For Matt Patricia

I’m not even a Lions fan, but I’ve never been so sure that the Lions should back up a Brinks truck and tell Matt Patricia to rub his big beard all over the Franklins in the back. Tell him to fill a pool with the Franklins. Fill up the back of a Ford F-150 with Benjamins and drive it to his house in the woods where he can cut wood and watch tape.
Just look at Matt Patricia today headed to Patriots practice in the middle of a bomb cyclone. Wearing those shorts like the Hoodie disciple he is. Did you know that Matt has been with Bill since 2004? Imagine all the knowledge in this guy’s head. He’s ready. He has the look. He has the pencil in the hat.
The shorts.

I could go on and on.
Think about this guy walking into a Ford press conference and telling the hard-working people of Detroit that he’s going to make them winners again. They’ll be on their knees bowing to the beard. He looks like one of them. He is their age (43). He turned down an engineering career to chase football.
He has three Super Bowl rings. He knows how to handle a Super Bowl week.
The guy is so mysterious, like Hoodie, that his Wiki page is void of much useful information into who Matt Patricia really is.
Did I mention Patricia’s defenses have been very good even though Hoodie signs scrubs and tells Patricia to make them champions?

From a 2016 SI Patricia feature:

When the Patriots brought Patricia in for an interview, his résumé wouldn’t have caught the eye of many NFL teams:
• Bachelor of Science degree, aeronautical engineering, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
• Application Engineer, two years, Hoffman Air & Filtration Systems, East Syracuse, N.Y.
• Defensive line coach, two seasons, Amherst College
• Graduate Assistant, three seasons, Syracuse University

Patricia told one friend that he saved Belichick “two to three hours” a day because the new system gave Belichick, a notorious film junkie, an easier way to study tape. Which gave Belichick that much more time to scheme and strategize for each week’s opponent.
Belichick started taking Patricia on scouting trips, giving him a glimpse into his world. “[Matt] logged a lot of hours driving Bill around,” says former Patriots lineman Matt Light, who is friends with Patricia. “[Bill] wanted him close because he saw the value in a guy like Matt. People talk about players, but a really good coach? That may be more rare than an elite corner or quarterback or defensive end. They’re very difficult to find in this league.”

My Bengals are too stupid to fire Marvin Lewis and hire this guy. I’m not even going to waste my time on them. The ball seems to be in the Lions court here.

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