Florida Man Masturbates in Front of Car at McDonald’s Drive-Thru After Being Denied a Cigarette


In need a classic Florida man story to read before you clock out for and binge watch Netflix shows for the weekend? Well, you’re in luck, because Tallahassee Police apprehended a man at a McDonald’s drive-thru Tuesday after he stood in front of a car and masturbated.

What would cause a man to do such a thing (other than being from Florida)? Being denied a cigarette.

…Seriously, the details from WTXL ABC 27:

The Arrest Affidavit says Williams walked up to the front of the car waiting in the McDonald’s drive-thru on the corner of S. Monroe Street and Orange Ave.

Williams is said to have asked the mother and boyfriend in the front seats of the car for a cigarette and when they told him they did not have any, Williams continued to stand in front of the car and began masturbating.

Police say there were three young girls in the back of the vehicle, ages 13, 12, and 7 who all had a clear view of Williams.

So that story went from comical to distressing real quick. This dude literally traumatized children because he couldn’t bum a cig off strangers in a car.

We hope Homer enjoys the process of registering as a sex offender.