If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times…don’t bother trying to use a strap-on Whizzinator to pass a drug test because something always goes wrong. Remember when Onterrio Smith’s Whizzinator was busted at an airport carrying one? Yeah, that didn’t turn out so good for the former NFL running back.
Now comes the story of Florida Man William Bradham Dixon and his recent drug test that went bad. I’ve never taken a drug test in front of a cop, but I have a feeling they check you out before you flop out the fake dong. That’s right, Bill was busted with a strap-on Whizzinator.
A judge had sentenced William Bradham Dixon to 48 months probation after he was convicted of grand theft and criminal mischief in Osceola County. One of the conditions of probation was that Dixon submit to drug tests.
When he took a urine test at the probation office on County Road 561, a deputy noticed something strapped on to the 32-year-old Orlando resident.
So what was in the Whiz bladder? Bill dipped a tea bag in water to get a urine color.
Here’s where things get good. So the Whizzinator costs $140. And here’s what the Whiz dong looks like. Bill actually strapped that fake dong to himself to stay out of jail. And he’s out that $140.
Now he’s violated probation and is going to jail. All you had to do was stay clean, Bill.