Cuff ‘Em - page 7

Dec 26, 2011

Old Coot Canadian Mall Santa Popped For Public Intox [Cuff ‘Em]

Bad day for Cuff 'Em since we're left with scumbags stealing Christmas gifts & Troy Smith getting arrested in Cleveland on Christmas Eve. Instead, we turn our attention to Canada where some 73-year-old mall Santa was so hammered that the usually relaxed Canadian cops actually had to arrest the bro. Imagine being a human actually living in Regina, Saskatchewan. It's 7+ hours from civilization (i.e. NHL hockey in Winnipeg). Getting drunk is just livin' life for Santa. JUMP!

Dec 23, 2011

Florida Or Ohio: Karaoke Singer Booed Off Stage, Starts Wild Brawl [Cuff ‘Em]

You know how the game is played. Here we go: A karaoke singer whose performance was met by a cascade of boos at a __________ bar allegedly punched three people in the face after he was asked to leave the watering hole Tuesday night, police report. Isiah Johnson, 20, was singing karaoke at Cabana Jack’s “when people started booing at him,” a bartender told cops. He was “noticed to be under the influence of intoxicants,” reported cops. Ohio or Florida answer here!

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Dec 22, 2011

Cops Say Phillies Hat Bro Is Serial Bank Robber! [Cuff ‘Em]

Via NBC10 Philly: The Philadelphia Police Department is on the hunt for a serial bank robber. Officers say the suspect allegedly got away with wads of cash during a robbery at the Citizens Bank located at 7327 Frankford Avenue on Monday. Investigators say the same person robbed a Wells Fargo bank on Nov. 29, a PNC bank on Dec. 7 and the Firstrust bank on Dec. 14 of this year. This is the guy they're talking about. Let's bust this bro!

Dec 21, 2011

Baseball Cap Bank Robbers: Best Of 2011

There was a moment this year when searching for Cuff 'Ems that it became apparent that wearing sports clothing was a cottage industry within the bank robbery industry. There were hockey hats, SEC hoodies, MLB hats, NFL hats. Even a minor league baseball hat was worn in a bank robbery. We now consider ourselves the leader in this business and think 2012 could be the year when a sports blog busts a baseball cap bank robber. Still o-fer-2011 in '11 but that's in just 3-4 months. The boys - JUMP!

Dec 21, 2011

Cowboys Fan Pusses Out: Attempts To Rob Bank But Flees [Cuff ‘Em]

Via WWSB Sarasota-Bradenton: Sarasota Police were called to the Wells Fargo Bank on Tamiami Trail at Webber Street at 3:44pm Tuesday in response to an attempted robbery. The suspect is described as a possible Hispanic male, approximately 5’8”, slender build, 23-25 years of age, possible braces along the bottom teeth. The suspect was wearing a very large colored polo shirt with burgundy, blue and tan stripes, and a Dallas Cowboys hat. Quitter.

Dec 20, 2011

Green Bay Fan Chokes Her Daughter After Packers Loss

We buy stock in the Green Bay Packers and all Hell breaks loose. One chick went so far after Sunday's loss to the Chiefs that she's up for 12.5 years in jail for her actions after K.C. miraculously beat G.B., 19-14. This drunk broad is accused of choking her daughter. How bad did things get at some Appleton hotel? Mom is now on the hook for felony child abuse charges. Aaron Rodgers might have the division wrapped up, but mom wanted to destroy the Dolphins perfect record. JUMP!

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Dec 20, 2011

#SMH…These Two Trippin’…Salvation Army Bell Ringers Don’t Work Sunday [Cuff ‘Em]

Think your Uncle Butch is a total lowlife scumbag? Yeah, well he has nothin' on these two dirtbags in California. Via the Modesto Bee: Modesto police arrested a man and woman Sunday on suspicion of using a Salvation Army bell and kettle to raise money for themselves, not the charity. The couple were arrested at the Wal-Mart on Plaza Parkway, Chamberlain said, adding that Williams was collecting money while Carrie was in a vehicle. And there is more to this story - JUMP!

Drunk Florida Bro With Deuce In Pants Just Hanging Out At McDonald’s [Cuff ‘Em]

There are days when cops roll up to a McDonald's to order a couple doubles with cheese and snag a large order of fries because it's going to be another boring day of acting like they're running radar. Then there are days in Florida when cops roll up to a McDonald's and encounter John Dickson. Cops get out of car and the first thing they notice is that Dickson smells like shit. Literally, like a giant pile of steaming shit. And then the cop earns his money. JUMP!

Dec 19, 2011

Jags Fan Gettin’ Some Christmas Spending Cash From Bank Of America [Cuff ‘Em]

Via WOKV: The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office is investigating a bank robbery that occurredFriday morning at the Bank of America at 840 Edgewood Avenue S. Police say a white male, 5'6"-5'8", mid to late 20s, wearing a red shirt, a Jaguars skull cap, and glasses entered the bank and gave a threatening note to one of the tellers demanding money. Guys, we're running out of time in 2011 to turn in a 'Cap Bank Robber.' Scared to turn in whitey? We aren't.

Dec 17, 2011

Florida Gators Fan With Perfect ‘Stache Pops Myrtle Beach Bank [Cuff ‘Em]

Via WMBF: Pat Dowling, spokesman for the City of North Myrtle Beach, said the robbery occurred at the TD Bank located at 1801 Hwy 17 S. The suspect presented a gun and passed a note to a teller. He was able to flee with an undetermined amount of money. The bank alarm rang at 4:31 p.m. He was wearing a gray Florida Gators hoodie, a black knit hat and possible blue jeans. He also had a mustache that may or may not be authentic. Get him!

Dec 16, 2011

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Dec 14, 2011

St. Louis Rams Baseball Cap Bandit Busted Via Family [Cuff ‘Em]

Via the newshounds at ABC 10 - San Diego: ...the retired car salesman put "his right hand on the gun and tapped it. He told the teller, 'Give me the money. Give me the money. Hurry, hurry' in a firm and mean voice."He made off with $3,600 in the latest heist, but what he was not counting on was being recognized on 10News. Dude's family recognized his Rams hat & arthritic hands. Damn family didn't mind turning in their dad. Very ballsy this time of year.

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Dec 13, 2011

Bama Fan, Stabbing Suspect John Stewart Repping Capital One Bowl [Cuff ‘Em]

Via Gulf Shores police late this afternoon arrested a second suspect in the stabbing of a man attacked during a robbery Wednesday night, according to officials. John Jacob Stewart, 20, also of Gulf Shores, was arrested after the attack. Both men are charged with first-degree robbery. More embarrassing during bowl season: getting arrested for robbery and missing Bama's BCS game or repping the Capital One Bowl in your mugshot. Good work, Stewart. Roll Tide!

Dec 12, 2011

These Two Running Sex Den With Spanking Table, HD Porn On TVs? [Cuff ‘Em]

Let's get the last full week your ass will be working this year into high gear with the game that's all the rage these days: Florida or Ohio. You know the rules. We give you a crazy arrest story from either Ohio or Florida, delete the details such as city, address, newspaper reporting the story, etc. You and the coworkers place wagers. Only one of these two kooky states can win. Today we have these sex den (allegedly) proprietors who ran a swingers club. Details - JUMP!

Dec 10, 2011

Old Coot College Student Robs Bookstore, Caught At Casino! [Cuff ‘Em]

Via Police say 68-year-old James Summers, Jr. robbed the Gateway College bookstore located at 510 Technology Way near Florence around 10 a.m. Thursday. Summers, who is a student at Gateway College, threatened an employee with a knife and stole an undetermined amount of cash. Police caught up with Summers at the Hollywood Casino in Lawrenceburg, Ind., around 1:30 a.m. Friday and arrested him. Bonus points...that Navy hat!

Dec 9, 2011

Married Teacher Julie Ann Moore Had Halftime Sex With Teen [Cuff ‘Em]

Texas teacher Julie Ann Moore is quite the playa, according to the Texas Rangers who are investigating her for sexually assaulting a 15-year-old boy. And where did this sex occur? Behind an apartment complex at halftime of a high school football game. That's right, during a week when we learn that a couple teachers were banging in a Ralph Wilson bathroom, this news breaks in Texas. WTF is up with sex and football. Women...always trying to distract our asses. JUMP!

Dec 8, 2011

Phillies Bro Makin’ Withdrawal From PNC For Spending Cash [Cuff ‘Em]

Via NewsGnome: The Philadelphia Police Department and the FBI are seeking the public’s assistance to identify and locate the subject responsible for the robbery the PNC Bank branch located at 6855 Frankford Avenue earlier (Wednesday). At approximately 10:07 a.m., a subject entered the branch and presented a threatening demand note to a teller. After obtaining an undisclosed amount of cash. This is our chance. Bust his ass! Full pics - JUMP!

Dec 7, 2011

Mass. Cops Want This Red Sox Fan For Burglary [Cuff ‘Em]

Via WHDH: Police are searching for a suspect who broke into a Newton home before taking off with the homeowner’s car. Police say the 38-year-old homeowner was on the third floor when the suspect broke into his Jackson Street home. When he heard a noise and went downstairs to investigate, he found the suspect in his bedroom. Just wondering: does the sketch artist ask if Red Sox bro wore his hat that high on his head? Turn in Sox fan:

Dec 6, 2011

Virginia Valdez Tries To Cut Off Husband’s Penis [Cuff ‘Em]

We saw this story floating around yesterday but didn't want to opine on Virginia Valdez until getting a peek at the mugshot. Now it's all a little clearer as to why she tried to cut off her husband's penis. She's angry. Look at that face. The eyes that barely open. Those glasses that scream 'Leave my ass alone. I don't care how many Viagra you pop, I'm not letting your penis anywhere near the vag.' JUMP!

Dec 5, 2011

Jerry Buss’s Moron Son Busted For Being Drunk In Lexington [Cuff ‘Em]

Via WDRB Lexington: 23-year-old Jesse Buss was arrested Friday morning in Lexington and charged with Alcohol Intoxication. Lexington Police were called to the area of South Broadway and W. Maxwell Street around 3:39 Friday morning for a report of a man laying on the ground. Sources tell WDRB he was demanding preferential treatment and told officers he was the son of Jerry Buss. What was Jesse doing in Lexington? UNC-UK on Saturday? Scouting trip?

Dec 2, 2011

Alabama Fan Robs Pharmacy Because He Needs Pain Pills, Dammit!

Via the Times Daily in Florence, AL: Balentine is accused of walking into the drug store at the intersection of Davis Street and Cloverdale Road at 12:58 p.m., pulling his shirt up over his mouth, shoving a hunting knife toward a clerk and demanding the medication. “Once he had the pills, he told the clerks to wait for five minutes before they called the police,” Florence police detective Justin Wright said. “When he left, he was eating some of the pills.” Roll Tide!

Dec 2, 2011

Preppy Bandit Rays Robber Wearing LiveStrong Bracelet Is Popped [Cuff ‘Em]

Via the Herald-Tribune: A man wearing a Tampa Bay Rays ball cap robbed the RBC Bank on Tamiami Trail on Wednesday. A few hours later the video was released to the media, and someone recognized the robber on the TV news, alerting deputies in Sarasota that the same man was also wanted on a bank robbery charge in Hillsborough County. Robert I. Hubbard, 33, of Tampa, was arrested Thursday. Bad day at the links? Gambling issues? JAIL TIME!

Dec 1, 2011

Breast Cancer Awareness Hat, Buck Teeth Used In Heist [Cuff ‘Em]

Another 1st here at Busted Coverage for the Baseball Cap Bank Robber series. Just look at the costume used yesterday at a Raleigh SunTrust bank inside a grocery store. Of course that's a breast cancer awareness baseball hat and chick sunglasses. This bro even had socks over his hands. Dude, we understand trying to avoid the fuzz, but a pink hat? Have some bank robbery morals. More amazing details - JUMP!

Nov 30, 2011

Just Your Ordinary 5-Foot-4 Phillies Fan Robbing A Wells Fargo [Cuff ‘Em]

The Philly Inquirer reported yesterday: The FBI is searching for a bank robber who wore a Phillies cap as he held up the Society Hill branch of Wells Fargo this morning. The suspect is described as 5-foot-4, with a thin to medium build, and clean shaved. He wore a black jacket and a red Phillies ball cap. Gee, this should be an easy case to crack. Let's see, Phillies fan, 5-4, looks kinda white to maybe Latino. Yep, we expect this one to be solved in days.

Nov 29, 2011

These Two Florida State Fans Curb Stomped Gators Fan, Fuzz Says [Cuff ‘Em]

Ahh, rivalry weekend in college football. A time when old friends can get together in Florida and turn in one helluva police report complete with a black-white tandem lighting up Florida fan and the black dude then - allegedly - curb stomping the Gators fan. Did we mention that the Gators fan was kinda looking for an ass whoopin'? But, in the end, it was Florida State fans going to jail with 3rd degree felony raps. JUMP!

Nov 28, 2011

Is This Clemson-South Carolina Robber Wearing ‘Cocks Shirt? [Cuff ‘Em]

Via South Carolina Patch: A 51-year-old man was arrested after deputies say he robbed four victims at gunpoint during the Carolina-Clemson game Saturday night. Hardwood Williams was charged with four counts of armed robbery. Richland County deputies say Williams pulled a handgun on the four victims around 9 p.m. on Andrews Road as they left the Carolina-Clemson game. Hardwood? Is that really his name, Patch? Might want to check on that.

Nov 25, 2011

St. Louis Blues Fan Makin’ Demands At US Bank [Cuff ‘Em]

Via Authorities are looking for a man they believe robbed a US Bank here Monday afternoon. The man is described as a mid-30s white male standing about 6 feet tall wiht a slender build. He was wearing a dark baseball cap, a dark St. Louis Blues hooded sweatshirt and light blue jeans. BC is still 0-for-2011. With 35 days or so left to make things happen, get us St. Louis Blues fan and we'll both have Christmas money.

Nov 25, 2011

Yo, Dog What About That 55″ LCD I Waited Since Monday For? [Morning Twitpic]

Great work this morning, ugly Americans. Hope you got all those 'deals' that are so dear to your heart. Meanwhile, we'll be shopping from bed where there aren't people spraying us with pepper spray. What else is new this morning? In Michigan, this guy is working extra hours trying to clear clogged up shitters. No matter how ugly the economy gets, this country will continue to over indulge whether it's with LCDs or turkey breast. Love it. Let's get rolling!

Nov 24, 2011

Eagles Fan In Coordinated Hat & Gloves Needs Turkey Money [Cuff ‘Em]

Via WPVI: The Haverford Township Police Department is searching for a bank robber who struck Wednesday afternoon. Police say at 3:44 p.m., the suspect entered the Alliance Bank at 500 Township Line Road in Havertown and handed the teller a note demanding currency. The suspect implied that he was armed with a handgun, but none was displayed. Homeboy left, hit a Wegmans and picked up some meal supplies w/side of MD 20/20. Bust him:

Nov 23, 2011

Have You Seen This Texas Longhorns Fan Wanted For Robbery? [Cuff ‘Em]

Via Hays Free Press: The man stole an undisclosed amount of money from the Austin Telco Federal Credit Union off Cabela’s Drive near Walmart. Witnesses described him as a Hispanic man in his mid-20s or early 30s. He was wearing a white Texas Longhorns baseball cap, gray hoodie, dark sunglasses and white bandana over his face. Focus, BC Nation. Hispanic, UT fan, nowhere Texas. It's a 4-day weekend. Let's get him!

Nov 22, 2011

Sabres Fan Up In This M&T Bank Looking For Spending Cash [Cuff ‘Em]

Via NBC2 in Buffalo: Investigators say the M&T Bank on Tonawanda Street was robbed just before 3pm. They say a white male entered the bank, handed the teller a note demanding money. The then left the bank with an undisclosed amount of cash. The suspect is described as a white male, about 5'6-5'10, 170lbs, 25-30 years old, and has a beard. He was wearing a white mesh Sabres baseball cap. Get us a bank robber for Thanksgiving.

Nov 21, 2011

These Rednecks Steal Alabama Crimson Tide Flag & Flagpole! [Cuff ‘Em]

Via the Press-Register: Joseph Michael Dozier, 26, of Grand Bay and Dean S. Balazs, 24, of Mobile were arrested Nov. 11 and each charged with one count of third-degree receiving stolen property, said a Washington County Jail spokesman. Chatom Police Chief Brent Callihan said that two men took the Crimson Tide flag and a flagpole from the yard of a residence. Lesson here to scrap thieves: leave the stupid flag and take the pole. ROLL TIDE ROLL!

Nov 18, 2011

Tennessee Vols Fan Pops Bank, Leaves In Hyundai With ‘T’ Logo! [Cuff ‘Em]

Via Knoxville Sentinel: The suspect verbally demanded cash from a bank employee, she said. He obtained an unspecified amount of money and fled in a white, late model vehicle — possibly a Hyundai Tucson — with a small University of Tennessee power "T" sticker in the rear window. Shouldn't be too hard to bust this one open. Tubby has a circle of friends that'll start talking. One of you want to split the FBI money? We'll turn him in:

Nov 17, 2011

Color Coordinated Chicago Bulls Fan Wants Some Spending Money! [Cuff ‘Em]

Houston police are still looking for Bulls Pinstripe Hat Guy after this October gas station robbery. The first suspect remains at large. He is described as a black male, 18-25 years old, approximately 5'9" to 5'10", 160 to 180 pounds. At the time of the offense he was wearing a red and black ball cap, a red sweatshirt, a red bandana covering his face and dark pants. Know homeboy, but you're afraid of ratting on him? We're not:

Nov 16, 2011

Old Coot Rams Fan Flashes Piece At Teller, Makes Withdrawal [Cuff ‘Em]

Via SignOnSanDiego: The man, believed to be about 60, walked into the U.S. Bank on Balboa Avenue near Genesee Avenue about 9:30 a.m. and walked up to a teller. He lifted his shirt to show a pistol tucked into his waistband, put one hand on the gun and demanded money, the FBI said. The teller handed the robber some cash and he left. Witnesses saw him get into a gray, late-model Mercury. Is this your grandpa? We'll turn him in:

Nov 15, 2011

Nats Fan In Sacramento Needs Some Make It Rain Funds [Cuff ‘Em]

Via News10 Sacramento: Roseville police and the FBI investigate a robbery at River City Bank that happened on Monday around 11:52 p.m.The robber is described as a black male about 5'8" to 6' tall and heavyset. He was last seen wearing red cap under a black hooded sweatshirt, a black letterman's style jacket with white trim, dark pants and black and white athletic shoes. FINALLY! A Nats fan robbing a bank. A BC first. Crack the case:

Nov 14, 2011

Dolphins Bro Loses Weight Loss Drug Gig, Starts Robbing Banks? [Cuff ‘Em]

Via KOLD (Tucson): The suspect was least seen wearing a gray-hoolded "Arizona" sweatshirt, a green baseball hat with "Dolphins" on the front, black basketball shorts and white shoe. He also was wearing latex gloves, police said. Just a guess: Bro lost his job shilling weight loss pills during the economic downturn. He lost his 3,200 sq. ft., built in a week, desert pad. Bank foreclosed. Afraid to turn in Dolphins Trendy Bro? We will! Send word -