CBS Announces SpongeBob Set To Perform ‘Sweet Victory’ Before Super Bowl LVIII

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We are just mere days from Super Bowl LVIII. Or, for those who don’t mess with Roman numerals, that would be 58. As I still lay in the haunting darkness of replaying the NFC Championship in my head, most news about the Super Bowl is tuned out by the canals that sit between the massive structure that holds my brain known as my head. However, with the news that dropped today, I might be slowly beginning my process of being excited for the big game.

Front Office Sports dropped the news of the year. CBS has confirmed that SpongeBob Squarepants will be performing the iconic ‘Sweet Victory’ before the kickoff of the Super Bowl. Yes, the yellow guy who raised every generation, from millennials on down, will finally get the chance to perform in front of all his air-breathing friends who aren’t squirrels in space suits.

This is bigger than the ‘Bubble Bowl.’ It’s bigger than the ‘Great Snail Race.’ Hell, it’s even bigger than the ‘Fry Cook Games.’ The sponge in the red tie will need to make sure his shoes are tied and that his vocal cords are rested. February 11th will be the biggest day for all of America and for all of Bikini Bottom. Did you ever think you would wake up in 2024 to the news that SpongeBob and Usher would be performing at the Super Bowl, while the most popular artist of the generation will be making a flight from Japan to see her boyfriend play in the big game? Well, if you did predict that, I would like to know your thoughts on the Powerball.

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