A Message To Team USA Before Vital WBC Meeting With Canada


On Sunday night, Team USA was shellacked by the Mexican National Team in their second game of Pool Play in the 2023 World Baseball Classic. Mexico took home the 11-5 dub and has many of us in the States worried about how Team USA will advance beyond Pool Play. Tonight looms a contest with what looks like the best team in Pool C, our friends from the North, the Canadian National Team. Now is not the time for dysfunction as a fan base. Now is the time to cheer on the ones who want to wear the USA across their chest.

It’s time to pump up our star-spangled men one more time!

“Gentlemen, how ’bout a knee? So last night didn’t go our way. Nothing worth having is ever easy. Yes, we are the gold standard of baseball, and the drumming by Mexico doesn’t help our chances of advancing in the tournament. The only thing we can control now is beating those apologetic friendly’s from the North, aye. It’s Canada, for Christ’s sake! Do they even have baseball bats up there?

Do they play their games on ice? To be honest, I don’t even want to know. We should score so many runs tonight that we here “sorry” from every member of their team for no apparent reason. This game is so important to me that I am boycotting maple syrup until we send those hosers off the field with an L.

A loss tonight will feel worse than a Bronze Medal in the 2004 Olympics for the Men’s National Team. We may not have the talent we should have on this roster, but damnit, we’re America! Losing to a bunch of moose riders shouldn’t even be an option. Now let’s go out there and give them a real reason to close the northern border!”

Canada is the enemy today. Well, except for my Lord and savior, Joey Votto. He still bangs, don’t ya know?

Catch the game at the perfect time of 10 pm EST. tonight on Fox Sports One.


Men, Take A Knee: Team USA Pregame Speech Before WBC Great Britain Matchup
Men, Take A Knee: Team USA Pregame Speech Before WBC Great Britain Matchup