Boomer Sharon Wilder, 64, found out there are White Claw laws in Nashville where she was (allegedly) day drunk back in late April and running through stop signs and red lights. Those 5% bad boys sneak up on you, Wilder. Maybe Sharon was on the Keto and decided to hit the Claws. That’ll light your ass up real fast when you go that route.
The police conducted a search after seeing two open cans of White Claw from outside the vehicle. Sharon Wilder struggled to produce a driver’s license, registration, and insurance. Wilder also failed all the sobriety tests including a walk and turn test, horizontal gaze nystagmus test, and standing on one leg. Searching the car officers found 4 cans of white Claw in the passenger floorboard, 3 partially full, and 8 more in the trunk. Officers transported the defendant to the hospital for a consensual blood test where she urinated on herself on two occasions.
This was Sharon’s 4th DUI. Seems like she might be a professional drinker with this type of record. Let’s say I’m the judge in this case. I sentence Sharon to house arrest and order her to buy a White Claw claw game where she can play and pound Claws in her house during COVID. It’s not like she’s going to stop drinking, so the courts have to find a solution. I also order her to turn in her license plates and she has to wear a tracking device to make sure the only place she’s going is by foot to a store to replenish her Claw claw game.