In what can only be described as one of the greatest tweets in Cleveland sports history, Browns fan Brittany Castrataro propelled herself into a Cleveland viral superstar with eight words that sent men into their medicine cabinet looking for blood pressure medicine. “Hey boys I’m single & have browns season tickets,” was all she had to say and guys were literally falling over dead in Cleveland at the thought of this life they might get to live now that Odell is coming to town.
“A lot of the responses are A+. I’m just laughing out loud about this all,” Brittany tells me over Twitter DM. No, I’m not working over Brittany for a relationship. I’m firmly married with kids and I’m a Bengals fan. I’m out. Just doing my journalist duties by getting a comment out of the Cleveland social star.
It gets better for these thirsty Browns fans:
I said it earlier this morning, but this is the perfect opportunity for ABC to come in and do a special season of Bachelorette: Cleveland. 16 local guys battle to steal Brittany’s heart during a Browns season. The show starts off with Brittany and the guys catching training camp, Odell’s debut. Then, at the end of the camp session, Brittany has to decide which three guys will be joining her to helicopter to Put In Bay for wine and then dance on the roof at Mr. Ed’s as DJ ADubb plays the hits on a warm August night.
I could script this whole season. Eventually the night ends as the contestants helicopter back to the Bachelorette house in Lakewood along the shores of Lake Erie.
By the first preseason game emotions are high as the guys in the house battle to see which three will get to enjoy Baker and the starters play a couple series just to get comfortable. Colton & Timothy get into a shouting match as tensions rise at the house. Colton claims Timothy isn’t a real Browns fan & both have to be held back as fists nearly fly over such a claim.
From there it’s all out war to win Brittany’s heart by the home opener and those beautiful Dawg Pound seats. So much romance. So much promise from these guys as to how they’ll treat Brittany when the Super Bowl parade comes around. So much whispering about the playoffs in her ear. So many emotions in the fantasy suite — lit candles, video screens showing Baker hoisting the Lombardi & putting on a hall of fame jacket.
This is the show ABC has been waiting on its whole life. Enough fantasizing, it’s your time to act Disney.