Blakey Locks the Degenerate Gambling Intern: NFL Championship Sunday Betting Guide

Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.

NFL Championship Sunday

Only 3 games left in the football season. This is just horrific. I woke up a little hungover this morning and turned to Twitter for some comfort and was absolutely blindsided by my pal Stuckey.

This is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s going to be a super long offseason and I don’t know what I’m going to. I might just go into hibernation. But let’s take advantage of these last couple weeks by betting absurd amounts of money on these last games.

Bad Beat of the Week

Every week I will be bringing you the worst beat of the previous weekend. These are one of the few bets that you actually played perfectly, but you still got your heart ripped out at the last second.

There is a growing problem in college basketball. I think there is a serious point shaving problem across college hoops. This year is the worst I have ever seen in regards to dumbass plays late in the game covering or not covering games. There has to be something deeper here. Maybe that’s what I’ll do with my football offseason. I’ll discover the major point-shaving conspiracy behind the 2018-19 college hoops season. Here is an example of one I was heartbroken by and one that I was saved by just in the last week:

Unreal. Like Jim Larranaga didn’t know he was out of timeouts. Couldn’t risk losing his Heels -7 bet. Just gross.

Rant of the Week

We haven’t had a rant of the week in a while. But I recently watched an all-time classic episode of the Sopranos and thought I had to share some wise thoughts from such a wise man.

T was the ultimate degenerate and he has some wise words here. Always chasing the flush. The most relatable content of all time.

The Slate

This guide is meant to be fun, but if you came here for picks I will indulge you. Here are the locks of the week outside the Marquee Matchups.

Rams @ Saints (-3) o/u 56.5

The Saints in the dome are a different beast, but they did not play great against the Eagles last week. That being said, it’s all about survive and advance in the NFL playoffs and they did just that, survived. Now the Rams are rolling into town after dominating the Cowboys. Earlier in the season the Rams came to the Dome and lost 45-35. In situations where teams played once in the regular season and rematched in the postseason, the regular season winner wins around 60% of the time in the rematch but only covers around 40% of the time. Which we saw last week when the Saints were in the same situation with the Eagles. I also have a Saints +1200 future pending so I’ll be betting the Rams to hedge that but I think I would be backing the Rams +3 anyways.

The Todd Gurley Curse is Being Saved for the Super Bowl Lock of the Year: Rams +3

Patriots @ Chiefs (-3) o/u 56.5

Could this finally be the year that Andy Reid takes down the Patriots? He’s been trying for decades and now on the back of Kermit the Frog he is looking to finally topple the Evil Empire and earn a trip to the Super Bowl. The Chiefs and Pats are also rematching their game from the regular season where the Pats won a shootout in Foxboro. So nowwww the FUCKING PATRIOTS are trying to say they are underdogs.

It really is the most ridiculous narrative ever spun. Oh when you played like shit in the regular season and lost to the Titans by 24 points people made fun of you? No fucking shit. Of course, people relished the opportunity to make fun of the Patriots when that happened. That doesn’t mean we didn’t all realize that the Patriots would win the AFC East and get a first-round bye anyways. Stop it with this shit New England it’s honestly just pathetic. Until Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are six feet under the Patriots will never be underdogs, and even then I won’t be too sure.

bUt ThE pAtS aRe LiTeRaLlY dOgS iN tHe GaMe!!!

Yeah because they’re on the fucking road. As only 3 point dogs this game would be a PK if it was the Super Bowl and the Pats would be at least -3 if they were at home. So get out of here with the underdog shit. The 3 points are just the home field advantage.

Good luck to Tom today as he tries to match MY GOAT in career road playoff wins. You hack.

Mark Sanchez > Tom Brady Lock of the Weekend: Patriots ML +150, u56.5

Player Props

Championship and Super Bowl Sundays are the best prop days of the year. Let’s hit some winners.

  • Robert Woods scores a TD +140
  • Brandin Cooks o75.5 receiving yards
  • Drew Brees NO int -130
  • Alvin Kamara o65.5 rushing yards, o47.5 receiving yards
  • Michael Thomas o101.5 receiving yards
  • Ted Ginn scores a TD +180
  • Damien Williams rushing yards o71.5
  • Damien Williams receiving yards o38.5
  • Travis Kelce scores a TD -110

Game Props

  • Saints win 1H by 1-12 points +140
  • First TD scored Saints/Rams- Trequan Smith +1700, CJ Anderson +800
  • Patriots win 1H by 1-12 points +175
  • Pats/Chiefs Total Sacks o3.5 (+130)
  • Pats/Chiefs first TD scored- Patrick Mahomes +2000, James White +900, Travis Kelce +600

This is going to be an awesome day. Let’s enjoy this Sunday while we have it, and as always let’s get rich, together.

Protected: Super Bowl 53: How To Watch & Bet Online On The Big Game
Protected: Super Bowl 53: How To Watch & Bet Online On The Big Game