Blakey Locks The Degenerate Gambling Intern: College Football Week Nine

Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.

College Football Week Nine

Week Nine!!! This is actually really depressing. There are only five weeks of regular season college football left which means it’s getting into crunch time if your kids want Christmas presents this year. It’s time to go big or go home. Put $1,000 on a huge ML dog this weekend. Why the hell not? Remember, the only way you can lose when gambling, is if you quit. Speaking to that point, I do have some very exciting news:

*smashes nut button*
This is fucking awesome. A month straight of football. I told my girlfriend this last night and she said,
“cool does that mean I don’t have to see you for 27 days?”
I love you too baby 🙂
For gamblers, this is the perfect time for a hot streak. Time to catch fire and never have to take a night off.

In conclusion, let’s fucking win this weekend, folks.

Degenerate of the Week

To nominate yourself or a friend for Degen of the Week, Tweet or DM submissions to me @BlakeKrass on Twitter.
The degenerate of the week this week is anybody who bets on this fucking thing. It was announced earlier this week that a Titanic II (we get it the Titanic had sex) was being built and would take the same route as the OG. Of course, this was followed up by many “this ain’t it chief”s and “nah fam”s. But my favorite reply was this one from Odds Shark and MyBookie.
“Hmm, what a historical event! How can we get some action on this?” “Whether or not everybody dies?” “I love it!”
Some may call it insensitive, but as someone who made $250 from their death pool when Hugh Hefner died, I have to respect this move. My only complaint is how lopsided these odds are. I mean Alabama is only -250 to win the National Championship right now and I guarantee the Titanic II is more likely to crash than Saban not bringing home a title. #RTR

Inanimate Object Bet of the Week

Sometimes bets don’t come from stats or trends, they come from the world around you. Sometimes you come across something in your day-to-day life that tells you, “hey you need to bet this side.” And when that happens, you always take it. 
Alright, guys, I can’t make this shit up. I literally had to invent this segment for this one case because it is so severe. Yesterday, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I’m a blogger so naturally, I live in my mom’s basement and eat Cheetos all day. Therefore, I decided to be a little healthier and I bought a bag of Cuties, those little clementines that are so delicious. Good healthy snack Blake, Mother is going to be so proud. So, I go this morning to grab a Cutie and these things are molded to all hell. Looked like they had been covered in a blanket of snow. I also double checked at the store the day before and they looked and smelled super fresh. This type of molding overnight could only mean one thing: the Syracuse Orange are cursed. I wouldn’t touch them with a ten and a half foot pole this weekend. The Wolfpack are going to stomp them out like the moldy diseased oranges they are. I am going to happily take my winnings and go back to buying Cheetos, the only orange food I can trust.
Pick: NC State -1.5

Marquee Matchups

The fun is over. It’s time to get down to business. You naturally want to bet the games you’re going to watch. So, I have the “Mountains are Blue Ice Cold Locks” for the featured games of the weekend right here.
You may think it’s all shits and giggles in these previews, but between all picks, we went 6-3 last week bringing the overall record to 12-7. This guide will not only bring you laughs but also add a little padding to your wallet, guaranteed.*
*not guaranteed

Iowa @ State Penn* (-6) o/u52

LET’S GO HAWKEYES! If you were wondering if there was a typo in the title of this game, you would be mistaken. We do not acknowledge the name of a university like State Penn. I guess you can see where I’m going already but I love the Hawkeyes on Saturday. State Penn actually kinda stinks. They have nothing left to play for this season and no integrity as a program or university. That stat is also juicy. Iowa can defend and score incredibly efficiently. Also, my mom’s entire side of the family went to Iowa and my grandpa has a library named after him (not to brag) so they would be pissed if they knew I picked against the Hawks. Not to get depressing on you, but no joke as my grandma’s memory was going there was a point where she would not recognize friends and family, but could still sing the Iowa fight song. I’ll give some points to the B1G there. The last factor, however, is that Iowa has my favorite tradition in college football. The wave they do to the children’s hospital next to the stadium is on the real one of the coolest things in sports.

Quite the opposite of State Penn’s treatment of children. All that being said, how can you not pick the Hawkeyes in this one?
Treating Kids Nicely Lock of the Week: Iowa +6

Florida vs. UGA (-6.5) o/u 52

The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. It just means more, folks. As an SEC writer on a B1G site, I need to reiterate as many times as possible that IT. JUST. MEANS. MORE. When the kids from Gainesville and Athens pile onto their busses and travel down to Jacksonville there is trouble a-brewin’, and no, I am not referring to the players. Students from UF and UGA pile into buses down to Jacksonville to watch their teams play inside the Jaguars stadium. The combination of these students and the even more belligerent alumni make this the drunkest place on earth for a day.
The past few years Florida has sucked by the time this game came around so it hasn’t been too relevant but coming off their win against LSU, Florida is playing to still win the SEC East if they win out and Kentucky loses one. For that reason, GameDay is traveling to DUVALLLLL for the first time since 2005. However, despite what the transitive property may tell you (Florida beat LSU, LSU beat Georgia) Georgia is still a much better team than Florida. They are 7 point favorites on a neutral field for a reason. I think this game is far less exciting than people anticipate.
I’d Rather Be Watching Blake Bortles DUUUUVVALLLLLL Lock of the Millenium: Georgia -6.5

Washington State @ Stanford (-3) o/u 53

I fucking love Mike Leach. He is the realest football guy in America imo. MINIMUM 16 teams?? People are begging the CFP to be pushed to eight teams and are willing to settle for six. Mike Leach, on the other hand, is demanding a MINIMUM of 16 teams. What a grown ass man.
I actually hate this game though. Wazzou coming off an emotional victory over Oregon and having to go on the road to Stanford smells like a letdown spot. But I have made it clear since the beginning of the season that I hate this Stanford team. Their defense is overrated and Bryce Love has been awful. My Stanford take looked bad for a while, especially after their miracle win over Oregon which contained my worst beat of the year. But since then Stanford has gotten blown out by Notre Dame and Utah and barely scraped out a win against Arizona State. I knew Stanford was bad and they proved me right. I want Mike Leach’s magical run to never end. Go Wazzou.
We Are Who We Thought They Were Lock of the Season: Washington State +3

Girlfriend Game of the Week

My girlfriend watches almost no football. She knows nothing about any teams. Luckily gambling is all about raw instinct. It’s a gamble after all. Every week I am going to ask her out of the blue who is going to win a certain game. There’s a good chance these picks win at a higher percentage than mine. (1-0)
Last week the GGW was introduced to the world in electric fashion. I had many people tell me it was their favorite part of the blog, and that was before the game! My girlfriend picked UVA as 6.5 point dogs against Duke, and not only did they cover, but they won outright. She cashed a +200 ML ticket to all of you who trust the process and tail my picks despite the method they are chosen.
This week we are back for more. Luckily my girlfriend has no interest in reading my blogs so she is not yet suspicious of why I asked her who was going to win a random CFB game.
This week we have Texas A&M @ Mississippi State (-1.5)

There you have it.
Pick: Mississippi State -1.5

The Slate

This guide is meant to be fun, but if you came here for picks I will indulge you. Here are the locks of the week outside the Marquee Matchups.
MSU -1 vs. Purdue
Texas Tech +5.5 @ Iowa State
Oklahoma State +3.5 vs. Texas
UVA (-9) vs. UNC
Nevada +120 vs. San Diego State

Vanderbilt (-1.5) @ Arkansas
Vandy/Arkansas u53
Best of luck this weekend my degenerate brethren. Make sure you check out the NFL Week Eight Betting Guide to try to make back your Saturday losses.
Remember, the only way to lose in gambling is to quit.
Let’s win.
Florida Man Bomber Cesar Sayoc Is A Clemson Fan
Florida Man Bomber Cesar Sayoc Is A Clemson Fan