It’s finally here — the day soccer dorks have been waiting for all their lives. Can the USA become a soccer superpower? Can the USA stop the dude from Belgium with the big hair? Can the USA overcome an Algerian ref who might be pissed off over some bullshit back in 2010? Can Jozy’s hammy hold up? Can the offense score? Will family members have to cancel their flights that leave on Wednesday morning?
I’ll be honest, I’m not even a soccer fan and I woke up with a USA soccer boner. It’s a big sports day. It could end with dorky white guys in tears. Or it could end with dorky white guys chanting USA in the streets because other hipster white guys are chanting USA in the streets and they know Europeans will see the footage and it’ll give them instant street cred with European soccer nations.
Anyway, it’ll be a big day.
You ready for PEDs to return to baseball?
The Padres win with 1 hit … and they finish June with a .171 batting average, the lowest batting average in a month in the Live Ball Era