You’ve been sitting around the house, eating greasy pizza, watching the NFL Network and avoiding your annoying girlfriend or wife. You haven’t moved off the couch in 48 hours and your phone died, rendering your Twitter account worthless.
Meanwhile, sports smack-talking maniacs have been using social media and other outlets to vent on fellow combatants. Athletes are fighting writers. Writers are fighting writers. Athletes are fighting fans.
This is where Busted Coverage steps in on a weekly basis. The gatekeepers.
If someone is in a sports-related war, we’re all ears. If you know of a sports-related beef, we want to hear about it. There are no sports beefs too small for The Schoolyard editors. Try us.
A Texas Spring Training Slugfest
Fight Combatants: Rangers fan vs. Longhorns fan
Fight Details: Who the hell knows why these idiots were fighting at a Texas Rangers game played a week ago against the Padres in the Alamodome. It’s Texas, they’re probably fighting over something real important like over whether Tony Romo deserved that new ridiculous contract.
Fight Scorecard: Rangers fan wins. At least he had the balls to throw the first bomb.
EA In A Biology Brawl
Fight Combatants: Erin Andrews & some scrub
Fight Details: Having been pretty quiet over the last week, Andrews got back into the Twitter fight game Thursday night over Sidney Crosby news. There’s always some dbag who wants to troll Pageviews by testing her biology background.
Wrong move, bro.
Fight Scorecard: Andrews – quick KO.
Jesus Shuttlesworth Wants To Fight Fried Mike Rice
Fight Combatants: Ray Allen and ousted Rutgers coach Mike Rice
Fight Details: Mike Rice throws basketballs at players, calls them “faggots” and kicks players. ESPN gets its hands on a 30-minute video, airs like four minutes of it and suddenly Rice is enemy #1. One thing leads to another and Ray Allen was fighting mad.
“What I’ve seen in that video was despicable. It made me want to fight, it made me want to fight this guy, watching him throw the ball at those players. Because that’s me, wanting to learn, you make mistakes, you’re not doing it on purpose, you’re trying to learn. And that’s what coaches should do, you teach. Yelling at kids and throwing balls at them, there’s no place for that.”
Mike lost his gig and will most likely get a $100,000 bonus for actually making it through the entire season.
Fight Scorecard: Draw – Allen gets the publicity for being a hero while Rice walks away with his cash & the likelihood that he’ll coach again after going to rehab.
Dana Fighting With UFC Dorks Complaining About Fight Card
Fight Combatants: The Commissioner vs. UFC Dorkwads
Fight Details: So Dana is holding an event in Sweden on Saturday for UFC on Fuel TV that was to include a main event featuring Alexander Gustafsson, the #2 ranked light heavyweight in the UFC, against Gegard Mousasi. Gustafsson, who suffered a cut over his left eye, wasn’t cleared to fight by the Swedish MMA commission.
Fans instantly lashed out about the replacement fighter – Ilir Latifi – and complained about the rest of the card that’ll be broadcast on cable.
Of course the commissioner isn’t amused by the complainers.
Fight Scorecard: Like I even need to tell you. Undisputed king of sports commissioners just destroying his own fans. KO.
Buffalo Might Not Be Able To Beat New England On The Field, But…
Fight Combatants: Stevie Johnson vs. all of Boston
Fight Details: While South Korea is on high alert for that North Korea nutjob to start lobbing missiles, Stevie is keeping things light and real. He has a simple request if the North starts launching nuclear bombs at the U.S.: aim for Foxboro.
Fight Scorecard: Are you kidding me? A nuclear bomb joke in troubled times? Stevie not only wins this fight, but he also gets the #1 spot with this insane tweet.