You’ve been sitting around the house, eating greasy pizza, watching the NFL Network and avoiding your annoying girlfriend or wife. You haven’t moved off the couch in 48 hours and your phone died, rendering your Twitter account worthless.
Meanwhile, sports smack-talking maniacs have been using social media and other outlets to vent on fellow combatants. Athletes are fighting writers. Writers are fighting writers. Athletes are fighting fans.
This is where Busted Coverage steps in on a weekly basis. The gatekeepers.
If someone is in a sports-related war, we’re all ears. If you know of a sports-related beef, we want to hear about it. There are no sports beefs too small for The Schoolyard editors. Try us.
When Hipster Media Types Attack Darren Rovell
Fight Combatants: Former Deadspin editor Will Leitch and ESPN Twitter freak Darren Rovell
Fight Details: Leitch, once known as the voice of Deadspin, has been kicking from gig to gig over the last couple years without the stability he had at the site he built into a blogosphere powerhouse. He’s now at USA Today’s Sports on Earth and decided this week was a good time to go after ESPN’s Darren Rovell, saying he “can’t find a single person who likes Darren Rovell.”
That started a white-guy-on-the-Internet discussion where dorky white guys dork out on media crap that’s sole purpose is to stroke egos. So what if nobody “likes” Darren Rovell. If you think the guy is a doucher, cool. If you like when the guy breaks down how much Felix Hernandez will earn per breath via that new $175 million contract, that’s cool.
Nothing makes you look like a miserable white guy like bashing a guy who tweets food photos and mindless facts from Nike press releases.
Fight Scorecard: Rovell via decision; he never responded to Leitch.
Nashville Predators Fan vs. San Jose Sharks Fan
Fight Combatants: Drunk Sharks fan vs. Drunk Predators fan
Fight Details: What you see is what you get. Sharks fan takes a wild swing at Predators fan who looks like he’s avoided a few punches in his day. The goons go flying down a couple rows and begin grabbing the jerseys.
The real news here is that Nashville gets on the board as a fan fighting mecca. Who would’ve ever guessed a Sharks fan would be the one throwing punches? There are so many complexities to this one.
Fight Scorecard: Draw (could give fight to Preds fan for not taking punch to the head)– both given game misconducts and thrown out.
Dookies vs. North Carolina – Rivalry Week
Fight Combatants: North Carolina students and Duke’s mascot head
Fight Details: Students steal the Duke mascot head and put it on a stake above the entrance to a UNC campus store. The big news here is that the cops didn’t start throwing around threats of arrests and acting like hard asses. It’s a college prank and a damn good one.
The bad news here for UNC is that the Duke lacrosse team will hire a TarHeels coed to dance at their next kegger. Fair is fair, UNC.
Fight Scorecard: Draw; Dookies will come back strong.
Ever Wanted To Kick A Co-Worker’s Ass?
Fight Combatants: Avs teammates Michael Sgarbossa (right) and Mark Olver
Fight Details: According to Denver Post Avalanche beat writer Adrian Dater, he heard the teammates drop the gloves during a Saturday team skate. Coach Joe Sacco didn’t dispute the claim.
Sbarbossa and Olver sat a few feet away from each other in the locker room after practice, and though they weren’t talking to each other, I didn’t get a sense of hatred in the air between the two. It happens. Teammates often respect each other more after a fight. Not always, but sometimes.
Is there another job where your boss will let you try to kick a co-worker’s ass? With bare fists? All of us have worked in a job where it has crossed your mind whether to kick a guy’s ass. Only problem is that you don’t work in the NHL and would be arrested.
Fight Scorecard: We’ll give this one to Sgarbossa. How about the brass balls on this kid? He’s just a rookie (played in 6 games; no fights) and is dropping the gloves on a teammate. Expect big things from the 20-year-old.
Dana White Vs. “Cyborg” Santos
Fight Combatants: UFC commissioner Dana White & fighter Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos
Fight Details: “Cyborg” had the fighting nickname, was pretty ugly and was the only fighter who could come close to giving Ronda Rousey a fight. In just one press conference, Dana White pretty much told “Cyborg” good luck finding a paycheck. You want to screw with the UFC, this is your punishment.
“When you send a letter from your lawyer and your doctor saying I will die if I try to make 135 (pounds), it’s just the goofiest thing,” said White. “I’ve never seen anything like it in the fight business.
“So you don’t want to make 135, but you want to talk about fighting Ronda (Rousey). First of all, you tested positive for steroids and got stripped of your title. And you’re trying to talk about how Ronda doesn’t want to fight you, but she’s the champion at 135. If Ronda goes and does the fight at 140, it’s not even for a title. The fight just makes no sense.”
“‘Cyborg’ is pretty much irrelevant right now,” White flatly concluded. “She really is. She’s irrelevant. Go out there and win some fights again, get your name back, stay clean, stay off some steroids and get your career back on track, and then we’ll talk.”
Let’s see Bud Selig talk like that to Ryan Braun. Ain’t happenin’.
Fight Scorecard: Dana White; fight stopped early via ground and pound.