Brett Favre And His Redneck, Dick-Texting Style Are Back!

Will he whip his schlong out if he sees a hot chick?

Will he come to the stadium on a tractor?

Will Rachel Nichols be there to cover the event?

These are the questions people want answered!

Former Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings and, we guess, New York Jets quarterback Brett Favre is coming back to football. Unfortunately for all you fan boys out there, he’s not playing.

Favre will be the color commentator for the game between his alma mater Southern Miss and Rice on October 1. CSS, which is a network we’ve never heard of, will broadcast the game.

While we’re pretty sure his wife Deanna told him to get the hell out of the house, Favre had this to say about the gig.

“I’m excited to be back at Southern Miss with the Golden Eagles,” Favre said in a statement. “I’m not committing to a new career in broadcasting, but just wanted to support Southern Miss and check out the view from the press box. It should be fun and I hope the fans enjoy it.”

We’re pretty sure the fans will love it.

Favre has always been an eloquent, well-spoken, stand-up guy. His football commentary skills have to be top notch.

Here are some things we expect him to say.

“Awww shucks.”

“Man, if I were out there, I totally would have forced the ball into triple coverage and since this is college, I could totally get away with that.”

“I just love biscuits and gravy!”

“I know I can still play, but I’m pretty sure I’m done playing… unless Jay Cutler goes down for an extended period of time and the Bears call.”

“Oh, right… Southern Miss is playing.”

We also expect Favre to pull a Jon Gruden and sit through the entire game with his legs spread as far apart as possible, making both his play-by-play man and the entire viewing audience totally uncomfortable.

Should be a good time.

If only we got CSS…