The Chicago Cubs are the brown stain on my toilet bowl when I’m done taking a crap… wait, no, it’s not the team that’s the stain, it’s their fans.
Outside of Boston, there aren’t a bunch of insufferable, disgusting, classless pricks who stand up taller game after game than Chicago Cubs fans. I know this, because I spend time in Miller Park, where men play baseball and cunts drive up from Chicago and try to pretend Ed Hardy is still in style.
Anyway, despite the fact I hate Cubs fans more than a double cornhole enema with acid, well… their fifth-place NL Central team wants to blame it on a goat.
This is what happens when you suck balls for the entire history of humanity.
No, seriously, the Cubs haven’t been to the World Series since 1945, which is mainly because of karma. Drive up to Milwaukee and pour beer on upstanding, loyal, patriotic citizens and you get what you deserve — a job a McDonald’s and a wife that weighs in at 240.
Oh, and no World Series since 1945.
So, some of the Cubs — or as most people know them, the Scrubs — have taken to wearing t-shirts that say F the Goat, and not in those words, that has a cartoon goat on it with a slash through it. Several players started wearing the shirts on Tuesday night, according to the Chicago Tribune.
The theory is, the Cubs were cursed by a local who brought a pet goat to Wrigley Field, was denied admission to the ’45 Series and placed a curse on the franchise.
“Do you embrace this, or go we don’t want to talk about this?” manager Mike Quade said. “Me? I don’t care. ? I find the whole conversation comical. I’m not Dr. Phil. Do you embrace it? Do you want to laugh at it? Do you want to hide from it? To me, I come to the park every day. The Girl and the Goat is a restaurant, and that’s all I ever think about. Somebody like (Kerry Wood or Ryan Dempster), guys who have around that deal with this all the time. ? OK, so they come up with a slogan. This is how we’re going to do this.”
Well said, Dr. Phil.
No one has bothered to take into account that the Cubs suck and their fans deserve nothing more than a last-place team.