Bill Simmons Debuts Grantland; Gilbert Arenas Live Tweets Blind Date? [Burnt Toast]


Burnt Toast

The Greatest Tweets in the History of the Internet* (*Over the last 24 hours)

A Blog Named After A Dead Writer Opened

@ESPN: The @SportsGuy33’s new website is officially open for business:

The mad refresh rush made Black Friday look calm. I camped out online for hours, just so I could say I went the first day. I laughed, I cried, I did not masturbate.

@EDSBS: I only have one piece of advice to @sportsguy33 on launching a successful internet website: you need some more cat pictures, man.

Cat pictures, midgets, videos of fat people falling, hot chicks pulling pranks, and slideshows. If has slideshow of a blond hottie jumping out of a closet with a cute kitten scaring a fat person into falling into midget tomorrow, it will end the interwebs.

@DarrenRovell: (The 1st 5 hours review) 160 votes: 43.8% As Good As I Expected, 29.4% Worse Than I Expected, 26.8% Better Than I Expected

Bill Simmons is basically the Mark Cuban of sports writing. Hated by so many that are secretly envious of his life. There was a stretch in my life (Before entering the Sports Media world), that the biggest highlight of my week was The SportsGuy’s Friday article. Yes, I admit sad, but very few writers killed it time and time again. The virtual doors opened today, and it felt like the first time I visited an IKEA. It was exciting, I had no idea what to expect, and half of the stuff I didn’t understand what it was used for. I liked the footnotes to stories, outside of that, nothing stood out on the first day.

Twitter Potpourri

@RobGronkowski: Yo @BretLockett26 I hope the rumors are true! I call next! Lmao

Bret Lockett, a former Patriots player,  claims to have sexted with Kim Kardashian while she was engaged to Kris Humphries. I just can bring myself to think she would do something like this. KIM KARDASHIAN IS A SAINT, A SAINT!!!!. Next you are going to tell me that JJ Barea is still sexting with an ex girlfriend while he’s still dating the former Miss Universe……(drops mic)

@MicheleSteele: Dirk Nowitzki tells me why he’s not a “brand”: “the thing is this, I always wanted to be a basketball player, nothing more. Nothing less.”

You know Dirk, this kind of shit is making it really difficult for me to hope you have a series ending injury. Can’t you be involved in some kind of crazy ass scandal again? This whole playing basketball like Larry Bird and likable crap is not going cut it for me.

@ESPNSTATInfo: Roberto Luongo has now been pulled after allowing 12 goals in last 2 games…3rd time he has been pulled this postseason. 

Roberto Luongo is becoming the Rick Ankiel of NHL Goaltending. Stat of the night is still from @NotTheFakeSVP: “In the Last 3 days, Bruins 12, Lebron 9. (OUCH CHARLIE!)

@Mengus22: Kentucky’s future quarterback is nicknamed “Bookie”. This is presented without comment.

Guess his parents lost a bet?

Gilbert Arenas May or May Not Have Live Tweeted A Blind Date:

On of the charter members of the Burnt Toast Gold Club of Tweeters, Gilbert Arenas claims to have live tweeted a date last night, and as predicted, it went a little like this:

@AgentZeroShow: Got hooked up on a blind date..and I guess she was blind when she picked out this outfit ..OMG I thought she was the queen of ZAMUNDA
@AgentZeroShow: And they want me to go in public with her..I thought she had a bunch of stretch marks but it was just her shirt..lookn like SIMBA
 @AgentZeroShow: This dragon can eat….I’m glad were at a all u can eat… She went to the rest rm..I think I’m busted you guys. Her friend texted her.

@AgentZeroShow: I don’t think imma get the goods tonight…I messed my chances up..she looked mad..over there lookin like a thunder cat…

@AgentZeroShow: If I would hav known i would mess this up I would have taken her to get a “rudy tutti fresh and fruiti meal”from ihop..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

@AgentZeroShow: She just said this was the worst date every.but I was thinkin the same thing.who wears a shirt they got from 5th ave in new york. on a date

@AgentZeroShow: She called me a jack ass.. I said “she looks so cute with her little ugly self” who’s NEXT

@AgentZeroShow: Its okay fellas she still wants action…ladies like rude boys..or the blk card I hav in my pocket..either way bam bam we got ACTION

@AgentZeroShow: Sorry fellas she don’t give it up on the first date….all that means is tomorrow..but by then I hope to be on another date…

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