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Duke Fans Ignite IKEA Furniture, Enjoy Bonfire & Start Recruiting Really White Guy Gordon Hayward

We’re hearing rumors that Coach K and the Duke community have officially started the “We will steal your ugly chicks and really white guy” recruiting drive. You might just see the very first star basketball player (Gordon Hayward) from the losing NCAA team transfer to the winning team because there will be some spots opened up via graduation.

Anyway, Duke students remained calm last night and only burned some shitty old IKEA furniture that’ll be replaced by new wood from Pottery Barn. Sidenote: Dickie V. spackled a Coach K. 8X10 after that last shot rattled out.

It was quite a night for all involved.

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