Walter Payton’s Cousin Malik Alvin Caught Escaping Wal-Mart With 36 Trojan Magnum Condoms

What is up with athletes trying to rip off condoms?

Do you guys not realize that the school will fill the trunk of your Olds 98 with 4 years worth of Trojan Magnums.

We suppose Binghamton U. basketball player AND (the late) Walter Payton’s cousin Malik Alvin didn’t get the memo.

C’mon brah, you can’t possibly be stupid enough to go five-finger discount on 36 condoms at 2 p.m. in the afternoon.

That is exactly what authorities are claiming, says the local Binghamton paper.

Alvin used to ball for UTEP but took his game to Binghamton.

And it got ugly as the baller went berserk on his way out the door once the fuzz was on to him.

Alvin, a junior and newcomer to the BU team, eluded store security, but while on the run, collided in the store’s foyer with a 66-year-old customer, knocking her to the floor; she sustained a concussion, Vestal town court documents indicate.

A single box of Magnums will run you just under $14 without coupon.

Here is where we try to figure out what’s going on in this guy’s head.

A. He didn’t realize the school gives away free condoms.

B. Embarrassed to go get free condoms. (Dude, if this is the case, college probably isn’t for you.)

C. Got to Wal-Mart and figured out he was short some bills and didn’t have any money on the debit.

D. Wanted to get in some sprints before afternoon practice.

E. Figured his moves handed down from Sweetness would impress the police.

F. Any of the above.

Malik, we can only hope she didn’t get turned off by you going to extra mile to have safe sex.

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