You might remember our fascination with the IFBB Professional League bikini model division. This league combines what we appreciate in fitness competitions: bikinis, toned bodies and toned bodies walking on a stage in pumps. Look, you guys want to claim that women golfers are athletes? How's that possible when chicks featuring FUPAs can win some stupid tournament? It's not. You want real athletes? Take a look at who's showing up to the NY Pro. JUMP!
Via: First suspect is black male, 6 feet, 1 inch tall, weighing 220 - 230 pounds, has a beard, wearing tan Carhart coat and toboggan. Second suspect is black male, 5 feet, 10 inches tall, weighing 165-180 pounds, wearing a ball cap with the word Chicago on it, Nike fleece pullover. Vehicle is described as silver Cadillac, 1993 - 1995 model year, last seen heading west toward Cincinnati on Kentucky 9.
Yes, we're a couple days late. Suck it. Via: Investigators say 55-year-old Daryl Keeton began heckling the umpire during the game, then decided to confront the ump in the parking lot at Mt. Olive ballpark after the game, and that's when he punched the 20-year-old umpire in the nose, bloodying the official. An off-duty Birmingham police officer restrained Keeton until the sheriff's department got there. Now Keeton could face 10 years in jail if convicted.
Via: A Petaluma man was arrested Saturday morning by police who said he was driving 104 mph with two nine-year-old children in the car. Juan Carlos Gallegos, 41, said he was in a hurry because the boys were going to be late for their soccer game, according to the Petaluma Police Department. Then Klein saw a Nissan Altima veer across double yellow lines into oncoming traffic near Brown's Lane to pass vehicles. No word from cops if the kids ever made it to the game.
Via: Austin Police are looking for a suspect they believe is responsible for a series of robberies in Austin. The first incident was May 8 at Mr. Nice Guys on South First Street, the second was May 10 at a Conoco on Cameron Road and then again on May 10 at a Shell station on Ben While Boulevard. During each robbery, the suspect entered the establishments, displayed a weapon and asked for money. No injuries have been reported.
Meet Christopher Lamarque Miller. He might have one of the biggest bullshit cop-out excuses in bank robbery history. You see, Miller played some college football at Missouri State, not exactly a school pumping out NFL talent. But Miller had dreams. The guy is now 27 and still hasn't gotten over the fact that the NFL never came calling. How upset? He admittedly went and robbed a bank to get NFL rich. Not kidding. JUMP!
Via: Police are seeking information about a man who robbed an Orlando Bank of America late Thursday morning. Surveillance images at the bank on Conway Road show the man holding up a paper that stated, "Give me all big bills no bands no one gets shot." True, there's no logo on that baseball hat, but it was impossible to pass up this guy's bank robbery poster. Did he hyphenate "bonds?" Scared to turn in this punk? We will: email@example.com
Via: A former starting offensive lineman (Torrin Tucker) for the Dallas Cowboys was arrested Tuesday night and charged with felony drug and weapons charges after police say he sold an undercover officer $20 in marijuana in the strip club where he works. A subsequent search found 18 baggies of marijuana "packaged for sale" and nine capsules containing cocaine, all in a Crown Royale bag "stuffed down the front of (his) pants," according to the report.
Welcome to our new feature, Busted Coverage Kicks, which will be an examination of all things sneakers. Our editor, Scot Drucker, happens to be a seven-year minor league pitcher who pitched in 71 AAA games and retired in 2011. The guy knows shoes. His superkix.com site was the Internet's first and only online sneaker search engine. Debate him all you want. This guy is a legend in the business.JUMP!
Via: COLONIE, N.Y. -- Colonie Police arrest a man accused of robbing a bank on Tuesday. Police said Brian Sweeney walked into the Citizen's Bank at 1440 Central Avenue, and then handed the teller a note demanding money. He was given $500, then left the bank. Wait, that has to be a misprint. $500? That's it? A couple weeks of minimum wages vs. multiple years in jail? We read up on this guy. He was living in a Super 8. Seriously.
Remember the Red Sox fan last week we wrote about who decided to rob a New England bank without wearing long sleeves to cover that sweet Sox tat? Yeah, well police eventually arrested Ramon Felix and he had a court date yesterday in which he was, ironically, wearing long sleeves. Nope, the tat wasn't visible. The guy is a known doper and was caught in a drug rehab facility. He's like the Ryan Leaf of New England with a Sox tat. Sad, sad story. (via Sun-Chronicle)
In the history of the modern Internet, has any other teenage model dominated like Kate Upton has in 2012? Simple answer – no. She started this year with the release of her 2012 Beach Bunny Swimwear photos, then made a visit to the Super Bowl festivities and polished off February with the release of her Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover. Three days later she was back in the news for a reported relationship with Mark Sanchez. Still, she's just 19. JUMP!
Via: A Tulsa Public Schools teacher has been suspended with pay after being arrested as part of a Wagoner County drug bust Tuesday morning. Jennifer Willis, 27, is an eighth grade English teacher and assistant cheerleading coach at East Central Junior High School. She was one of four arrested in Wagoner County on drug charges and one of 18 since Friday. That age is a typo, right? 27? What the f*ck is going on with cheerleading coaches?
Must say we don't get too many bank robberies where a superfan goes with a tattoo and corresponding baseball hat. But that's exactly what Red Sox fan pulled off in this robbery. Hispanic bro just doesn't care. Police can use that tattoo to identify him all they want. Gotta catch him first. Look, wearing long sleeves is the obvious play here. Maybe it's a henna. Would this idiot be that smart? Our guess is no. JUMP!
Obviously stupid ass parents in Pennsylvania don't understand that Babe Ruth league baseball is important to John Zahradnik. Do you want your son coached by a guy who'll just let umpires get away with shitty calls that cost your team a game? Or do you want a guy like John Z.? A guy who'll allegedly try to run over an umpire? You want to go to war with guys like John Z. Kicking dirt on home just ain't getting the job done, America. JUMP!
Yes, you'll be seeing this gallery today from all sorts of sites promoting Sara Jean Underwood's appearance yesterday at the Encore Vegas Beach Club. Blah, blah, blah. Yes, women like Ms. Underwood are usually running from us at Encore. Yes, our bankroll isn't even close to being large enough to play swim-up blackjack at this joint. Great pool, though. Anyway, is it us or is Sara Jean Underwood putting on a few. That stomach getting a little doughy? JUMP!