Via the Palm Beach Post: A man charged with offering a law enforcement officer two tickets to today's Miami Dolphins pro football season finale to avoid arrest might be mostly guilty of overestimating their value, a judge said at the man's bond hearing this morning. "Have you been watching the Dolphins? No one's going to go to that game," Palm Beach County Judge Timothy P. McCarthy told Topalian. Bro, seriously? Dolphins-Jets tix? Next time: cocaine.
Via NY Times' City Room: A New Jersey man who was pulled over and arrested on Staten Island on Friday night was accused of driving drunk across the Outerbridge Crossing from New Jersey with his 4-year-old son in the back seat of his vehicle, the police said. Stuart Stott, who said he had been at Yankee Stadium on Friday for the Pinstripe Bowl between Rutgers and Iowa State, told the police that he had consumed five or six beers at the game. That's it? Pussy.
Ahh, the year of bath salt arrests. How many times can a human be tased and still live to tell his grandkids? At least six! Via the Bangor Daily News: A man high on bath salts was Tased six times, pepper sprayed twice and kneed in the gut before police were able to arrest him Tuesday. He would have been at court Wednesday, but the Knox County Jail was keeping him in restraints, according to court clerks. We'll miss you, 2011.
Via Pittsburgh's Tribune-Review: Investigators are seeking the public's help in identifying a man who robbed the post office in Bloomfield at gunpoint. He is described as a light-skinned man, 30 to 45 years old, about 5 feet 7 inches tall, with a stocky build. He was wearing a Steelers hooded jacket, green hoodie underneath the jacket, fluorescent green baseball cap, bluejeans, sunglasses and black shoes. That old school jacket give him away? Nail him: firstname.lastname@example.org
Via KETV-Omaha: Officers were called to the First National Bank branch at 50th and G streets around 9 a.m.Investigators said a man walked into the bank, showed a gun and demanded cash.The robber took off in a white mid-2000s Chevrolet Impala with a spoiler on the back. Banks were open on Monday? Not in our 'hood. Anyway, one thing stands out with this robbery - the timing. He barely waited for Christmas to be over & he got at it. Nail his ass: email@example.com
Via the Sun-Sentinel: The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office is looking for a man who robbed a Wellington bank on Thursday. Officials said a man in a Baltimore Orioles baseball cap walked into a Bank of America on Forest Hill Boulevard around 2:20 p.m. He passed a note to a teller that said he had a gun. Afraid for her life, the teller gave the man the cash from the register, officials said. Can't see a face but someone out there recognizes that hat. Not too many of those in the wild.
Via KSEE24 Fresno: (went down Dec. 15) Two men approached a Bank of America teller stating they were armed and demanded money. The suspects left with an undisclosed amount of money and were last seen walking westbound on Bellevue Road towards Winton Way. We're onto you, bros. One tip and you'll be grabbin' ankles in the state pen. Our readership continues to grow and all it takes is one of your homeboys to start snitchin': firstname.lastname@example.org
Bad day for Cuff 'Em since we're left with scumbags stealing Christmas gifts & Troy Smith getting arrested in Cleveland on Christmas Eve. Instead, we turn our attention to Canada where some 73-year-old mall Santa was so hammered that the usually relaxed Canadian cops actually had to arrest the bro. Imagine being a human actually living in Regina, Saskatchewan. It's 7+ hours from civilization (i.e. NHL hockey in Winnipeg). Getting drunk is just livin' life for Santa. JUMP!
You know how the game is played. Here we go: A karaoke singer whose performance was met by a cascade of boos at a __________ bar allegedly punched three people in the face after he was asked to leave the watering hole Tuesday night, police report. Isiah Johnson, 20, was singing karaoke at Cabana Jack’s “when people started booing at him,” a bartender told cops. He was “noticed to be under the influence of intoxicants,” reported cops. Ohio or Florida answer here!
Via NBC10 Philly: The Philadelphia Police Department is on the hunt for a serial bank robber. Officers say the suspect allegedly got away with wads of cash during a robbery at the Citizens Bank located at 7327 Frankford Avenue on Monday. Investigators say the same person robbed a Wells Fargo bank on Nov. 29, a PNC bank on Dec. 7 and the Firstrust bank on Dec. 14 of this year. This is the guy they're talking about. Let's bust this bro! email@example.com
There was a moment this year when searching for Cuff 'Ems that it became apparent that wearing sports clothing was a cottage industry within the bank robbery industry. There were hockey hats, SEC hoodies, MLB hats, NFL hats. Even a minor league baseball hat was worn in a bank robbery. We now consider ourselves the leader in this business and think 2012 could be the year when a sports blog busts a baseball cap bank robber. Still o-fer-2011 in '11 but that's in just 3-4 months. The boys - JUMP!
Via WWSB Sarasota-Bradenton: Sarasota Police were called to the Wells Fargo Bank on Tamiami Trail at Webber Street at 3:44pm Tuesday in response to an attempted robbery. The suspect is described as a possible Hispanic male, approximately 5’8”, slender build, 23-25 years of age, possible braces along the bottom teeth. The suspect was wearing a very large colored polo shirt with burgundy, blue and tan stripes, and a Dallas Cowboys hat. Quitter. firstname.lastname@example.org
We buy stock in the Green Bay Packers and all Hell breaks loose. One chick went so far after Sunday's loss to the Chiefs that she's up for 12.5 years in jail for her actions after K.C. miraculously beat G.B., 19-14. This drunk broad is accused of choking her daughter. How bad did things get at some Appleton hotel? Mom is now on the hook for felony child abuse charges. Aaron Rodgers might have the division wrapped up, but mom wanted to destroy the Dolphins perfect record. JUMP!
Think your Uncle Butch is a total lowlife scumbag? Yeah, well he has nothin' on these two dirtbags in California. Via the Modesto Bee: Modesto police arrested a man and woman Sunday on suspicion of using a Salvation Army bell and kettle to raise money for themselves, not the charity. The couple were arrested at the Wal-Mart on Plaza Parkway, Chamberlain said, adding that Williams was collecting money while Carrie was in a vehicle. And there is more to this story - JUMP!
There are days when cops roll up to a McDonald's to order a couple doubles with cheese and snag a large order of fries because it's going to be another boring day of acting like they're running radar. Then there are days in Florida when cops roll up to a McDonald's and encounter John Dickson. Cops get out of car and the first thing they notice is that Dickson smells like shit. Literally, like a giant pile of steaming shit. And then the cop earns his money. JUMP!
Via WOKV: The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office is investigating a bank robbery that occurredFriday morning at the Bank of America at 840 Edgewood Avenue S. Police say a white male, 5'6"-5'8", mid to late 20s, wearing a red shirt, a Jaguars skull cap, and glasses entered the bank and gave a threatening note to one of the tellers demanding money. Guys, we're running out of time in 2011 to turn in a 'Cap Bank Robber.' Scared to turn in whitey? We aren't. email@example.com