Let’s say Johnny Manziel needs something to do tonight to blow off steam before his big day when he’ll go to the Cleveland Browns with the #4 pick. New York strippers have offered to show Mr. Football a good time while he waits for the draft.
I had this urgent email waiting for me this morning:
VIVID CABARET NYC STRIPPERS WANT TO WELCOME FOOTBALL DRAFT PROSPECTS TO TOWN–PROMISE FIRST ROUND SELECTIONS A NIGHT THEY WILL NEVER FORGET
“What better way to celebrate than to be surrounded by dozens of sexy young topless girls in our super private VIP Ultra Lounge,” purred Vivid Cabaret NYC Girl Bambi. “Are you listening Johnny Manziel?”
Vivid Cabaret NYC opened during Super Bowl Week and the club was packed with football players. “This is where the big boys come to party,” explained Vivid Cabaret NYC Girl Rebeka. “We say, welcome to the big leagues, and if you want to learn how to party like the big dogs, you have to check out Vivid Cabaret.”
“We promise to give all first round picks a night they will never forget,” cooed Vivid Cabaret NYC Girl Paige. “In the beginning you can make it rain on us with stacks of singles. But here’s to hoping that on your second contract you will use stacks of hundreds!”
“Oh, you can bring your girlfriends too,” added Bambi.
Vivid Cabaret NYC is the hot new three story club in midtown Manhattan known for having the city’s tallest stripper pole (27 feet tall), and the first of its kind “VIP Ultra Lounge.” It’s already a favorite spot for pro athletes from all the major sports who like to “make it rain” on the club’s gorgeous dancers. It is the sister club of the world famous Rick’s Cabaret NYC, located just four blocks away.
Girlfriends, too? How can Johnny possibly turn down this offer?
We’ve all been waiting for this 36-hour period for the last two years. Where will Johnny be drafted? What chick will Johnny bring to the draft? Will Johnny blow $15k or $20k making it rain on Russian strippers who’ve never been exposed to Johnny Football’s greatness?
There’s so much drama that I can’t stand it.