The Schoolyard: SI Models Hate Kate Upton, Lincecum Goes To Court & Dana White Stays Undefeated
You’ve been sitting around the house, eating greasy pizza, watching the NFL Network and avoiding your annoying girlfriend or wife. You haven’t moved off the couch in 48 hours and your phone died, rendering your Twitter account worthless.
Meanwhile, sports smack-talking maniacs have been using social media and other outlets to vent on fellow combatants. Athletes are fighting writers. Writers are fighting writers. Athletes are fighting fans.
This is where Busted Coverage steps in on a weekly basis. The gatekeepers.
If someone is in a sports-related war, we’re all ears. If you know of a sports-related beef, we want to hear about it. There are no sports beefs too small for The Schoolyard editors. Try us.
Who Could Possibly Hate This 20-Year-Old Bikini Model?
Fight Combatants: Boobs McGee vs. other SI models
Fight Details: The intrepid reporters at US Weekly claim that all is not well within the Sports Illustrated swimsuit model sorority.
“The SI models hate her,” an insider tells Us of the voluptuous cover girl, 20. “They are jealous, but Kate’s also been a bitch to them in the past.”
In fact, things are so icy between Upton and the other models that they won’t socialize with one another even when they’re sitting just a few feet apart. At a 1Oak party in Las Vegas on Feb. 14, Upton kept to herself while the rest of the ladies chatted among themselves. “She didn’t interact with anyone,” an onlooker says. “She wasn’t friendly.”
Fine, let’s settle this in a bowl of chocolate syrup.
Fight Scorecard: Draw – Straight guys win this fight.
The Kid From Dazed & Confused Destroyed An Apartment?
Fight Combatants: Tim Lincecum vs. His ex-landlord
Fight Details: Lincecum and his old landlord have been beefing for almost a year over $200,000 in damages to a Mission District apartment. The landlord claims:
[Lincecum trashsed] “bedding, doors, carpet, pillows, kitchenware, linens, furniture, household appliances, art work, decorations, patio furniture, lights, lamps and mirrors, among other things(.)”
And now the case is going to court. Tim will make $22,000,000 this season. He should have lawyer fees covered.
Fight Scorecard: Rachel Maddow is about to get TKO’d in like the 12th round. Should’ve just paid up, Rach.
The Legend STILL Undefeated In Twitter Fights
Fight Combatants: The guy who’s never lost a Schoolyard fight vs. some Twitter scrub
Fight Details: Same old, same old from Twitter punks trying to start a beef with Dana White after Rousey arm barred another victim.
Fight Scorecard: AND IT’S ALL OVER. The Legend via choke.
This Guy Went To Harvard – Seriously
Fight Combatants: Oakland raiders DT Desmond Bryant vs. Booze
Fight Details: Bryant really did graduate from Harvard with a psychology degree. He told the L.A. Times in 2009 that, “The Ivy League’s not really my type of environment,” he said. “I had some really good teammates and friends, but outside of the football world I didn’t interact much with the other kids.”
He also had off-the-field issues at Harvard. We also learned from that article that Al Davis liked him. That said, we should’ve figured the guy would eventually be arrested for getting drunk, going to a neighbor’s house and causing commotion.
Good news: He always has the Harvard education to fall back on.
Fight Scorecard: Booze wins.
Guy Who Just Won Super Bowl Ring Vs. Guy Who Just Lost Super Bowl
Fight Combatants: 49ers OL Anthony Davis vs. Terrell Suggs
Fight Details: Suggs, talking on San Francisco’s KNBR 680-AM to promote his movie, eventually was asked about the 49ers Super Bowl offensive line play. Asked if the 49ers were “fake tough guys,” Suggs started rating players.
Suggs was then asked if he believed that the 49ers’ offensive line had some fake tough guys.
“They’ve got one fake tough guy,” Suggs said.
Pressed further, Suggs praised San Francisco starting left tackle Joe Staley and starting left guard Mike Iupati. He was then asked about starting right guard Alex Boone, who Suggs called “solid.”
When told that leaves Davis and center Jonathan Goodwin, Suggs said, “Goodwin is pretty good.”
Fight Scorecard: Suggs wins via TKO after Davis runs out of f-bomb tweets somewhere around the 9th round.