Tomorrow we’ll find out which teams will play in Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans, but if you don’t have a hotel room already, you’re screwed…unless you’d like to spend $1,800 a night to sleep in some dude’s 2008 Subaru parked in the French Quarter.
Your accommodations include four doors, cloth seats, a CD player and two cigarette lighters. Don’t go thinking you can combine your car and room rental fees, though. You don’t get to drive the room, er, car (or go back to it during the day), as the owner needs his fine ride to get to work. However, he will consider taking you to his job, where you can sleep in the parking lot of his workplace — “Just no peeing where the guards can see you.”
Sure, $150 per square foot, per night to have a steering wheel in your junk seems pricey, but considering the location of the car and your predicament, it’s a more sensible alternative than a park bench, a bus stop or jail (though, if you went to jail, there is a chance that you could meet one of the Super Bowl players, isn’t that right, Eugene Robinson?). We’re pretty sure this offer is bogus, but we all know die hard fans that might consider this arrangement.
Super Bowl XLVII is the city’s first Super Bowl since Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Like most cities, New Orleans doesn’t have enough hotel rooms for the fans, teams, league officials and zillions of other marketing, branding and drinking people that descend on Super Bowl locations. Unlike most cities, the outskirts of New Orleans descend pretty quickly into the bayou or Lake Pontchartrain, so your choices are limited unless you’re Aquaman.
Actual Super Bowl lodging options include: staying at the home of an accused rapist who is on house arrest; renting a penthouse for $6,800 a night or staying in another state and making the long commute. Maybe it’s a good thing your team didn’t make it this far?