You need any further evidence that the craziest bastards live in Florida? This should end the competition. Meet Ronald Brown. Yes, he’s a complete loser. He’s been a complete loser for a long time. Yes, he walks around with that horrible rug on his head. Yes, Ron has enjoyed his time as the Tampa Rays puppeteer. He even uploaded a Facebook photo of himself working a Rays game. It just happens that Ron allegedly wanted to eat children.
A 57-year-old local puppeteer from Largo is accused of planning to kidnap children — specifically toddlers — torture them, rape them, murder them, then cook their body parts on a stove, according to federal documents.
But it’s what he’s allegedly doing online that has federal agents interested. Brown and another man were chatting, detectives say, about kidnapping kids and eating them, even going so far as to describe, in detail, what the men wanted to do with the body parts. The conversations are graphic and vile.
One portion goes as follows:
“Summer is heating up, should be good pickins.”
“It’s so hot, the kids are almost naked out there.”
“My mouth watered looking at her for sure.”
So let’s take a look at Ron’s history, via his Facebook account.
• Rays puppeteer
• Mentors at least one kid named Logan
• Started performing puppet shows when Ron was 8
• Is originally from Alabama
• Has been working for a Christian TV station since 1980 – seriously
• Lives in a trailer