The national tragedy that is Sharon Simmons, the 55-year-old grandmother, trying out for the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders should finally be over. The smokeshow was at Cowboys Stadium on Saturday for the first round of tryouts and might get a “We’re so happy for the publicity” vote from the judges into the 2nd round, but in all reality the dream is over for Simmons. How do we know? Well, she’s old and admits that she forgot her routine.
Look, it’s great and all that people of all ages can live out dreams. There are baseball camps for old aholes who’ve made a bunch of money yet were always the last kid picked for Little League games. These aholes pay like $5k for the opportunity to play catch with George Brett and Kent Hrbek. For old chicks, cheerleading tryouts are the new vice. It’s ego cocaine. Giant high.
“I thought about this when I was about 22 years old,” Simmons told The Dallas Morning News. “I was a single mom, and I wanted to do it.”
But funds, experience and raising her children delayed that dream for the next 33 years.
Simmons said she forgot her routine during the freestyle portion of the competition and had to make it up as she went, but it did not derail her experience.
The good part about this Simmons wasting her time with this dream of hers of making the Cowboys cheerleading unit? Her ass seems to be taking well to the training and she has landed three wedding proposals. Oh, and all that didn’t cost her $5k.