Gronk & Team Jizz Blaster Invade Miami To Drop Bachelorette Party Panties [PHOTOS]

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Ho-hum. Dammit, how cool would it be to go back to your 22-24-year-old days and live life like Gronk and Team Jizz Blaster? From one city to the next. Tampa to Aruba, to Spring Break, to Boston, to the Playboy Mansion, back to Boston and then to Miami. That’s in like 5 1/2 weeks. Seriously, if ESPN was to ever get in the ‘reality’ business, the time is now. Team Jizz Blaster on ESPN2 just going from city to city making bachelorette parties that much better.

Would I tune in for Gronk & one of Gronk’s brothers and Dean Muhtadi doing body shots off a bride-to-be? Of course, that would be the best programming on ESPN since Kiana’s Flex Appeal ruled.

Episode 1:

Bachelorette Mrs. Gregory and her girls invade Fontainebleau to get crazy, shake their asses and drink ’til the sun comes up. Things get crazy when Mrs. Gregory’s ‘gir’ Casey recognizes Gronk at the bar where he’s fist pumping to some hot Cuban beat. She instantly moves in and tells the Patriots TE that her friend is getting married in a few weeks and the girls would love for a celebrity to show her a good time.

Commercial.

Return from commercial with a smoking hot Aruban beat and the entire Team JB forming fist pump circle around Mrs. Gregory. The cameras can’t possibly keep up with the party rockin’. Fists flying. Ass slappin’. Grindin.’

Aruban beat transitions to some fresh beats straight outta St. Croix and it’s on. You’ve never seen a party like this in your life. Vodka is now being poured all over Mrs. Gregory and at this point you figure she’s pulling a Jessica Dorrell. Screw the marriage. Party rock it out and figure out the collateral damage in the morning.

Commercial.

Return from commercial to the hotel scene where it’s Team Jizz Blaster passed out. No women within sight. (ESPN figures this adds mystery without being fined by the FCC.) Memories are foggy. Team JB tries to piece the evening together, but everyone blacks out as the vodka starts cascading off the now-single Mrs. Gregory. The Gronk brothers instantly figure it was Muhtadi who ended up with the fat friend. Deep, football player LOL’s all around.

Next week on Gronk & Team Jizz Blaster’s reality show: Scottsdale.

The boys really were in Miami this weekend for some sponsored party and the locals kinda took notice. Not many photos as of yet. Have something we need to see from Gronk’s weekend? Fire it off.

mail@bustedcoverage.com

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