Want: The Don Zimmer Teddy Bear
Somehow 81-year-old Don Zimmer is still trolling a baseball diamond. The former Chicago Cubs manager is currently a senior advisor for the Tampa Bay Rays. And yes, he’s as fat as ever — a heart attack waiting to happen if you ask us.
Apparently, Florida is also the place where old managers go to die.
But since Zim is still kicking around, and is apparently as lovable as ever, the Rays decided to give him a promotional item in their lineup of this season’s fan giveaways. And like Zimmer’s jowly face, it’s hideous. The stuff nightmares are made of.
The Zim Bear is half teddy bear, half Don Zimmer’s face. Lucky Rays fans will get this monstrosity if they attend the team’s June 29 game against the Detroit Tigers.
Seriously, if the team really wanted to up the ante, they’d have some sort of weigh off between Zimmer and Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder to settle the argument once and for all. Who’s really the fattest bastard in baseball? They could even let fans stuff these fat bastards’ faces with pork rinds and cannolis before the event.
Now that’s something we’d actually fly to Tampa for. That being said, someone please send us a Zim Bear. We’d love to use it to terrify the neighborhood children.