Every year, the stories get stranger and stranger as Super Bowl week progresses. That’s because players are getting interviewed so much by so many different sources, reporters, journalists or whatever you want to call them, they just have to ask some oddball questions to get something original.
So, you get stuff like this — New England Patriots receiver Wes Welker talking about how awesome quarterback Tom Brady’s toilets are. This isn’t a story that appeared in the Podunk Journal either. It was in the Boston Herald.
Someone asked Welker what he likes most about visiting Brady’s pad. Welker couldn’t stop gushing about Tom’s toilets.
“You go over and use his toilet, and you press this button, and it sprays water on you and all this stuff, and I’m like, ‘You gotta be kidding me.’ ” Wes told the press pack yesterday. “It’s heated, it’s all this stuff, and I’m like, ‘This is crazy.’”
The crapper in question has been identified as the Toto Washlet Performance Toilet, which they call the Cadillac Escalade of toilets. We’re talking a warm-water flow for cleaning your bum, a warm air dryer for drying it off, an air purifying system, heated seats and a self-closing lid. Oh, and it cleans itself.
Here’s the blurb from the website.
Designed with ease and convenience in mind, the Toto Washlet toilet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete and total cleansing. And as if that weren’t enough, the Washlet also offers a soothing warm air drier, an air purifying system, heated seat and automatic soft-close lid. To ensure the utmost in cleanliness and sanitation, the Washlet toilet nozzle also automatically cleans itself before and after every use.
Basically, all you have to do is fill your bowels and release.
Of course, they’re not cheap. They range in price all the way up to $3,000. That’s not a cheap crap, but you’ll never have to worry about cling-ons again.