God’s Gift Achiuwa Makes ESPN World Debut [PHOTO]

Urban Meyer's Ohio State Email Address Is...Urban Meyer's Ohio State Email Address Is...
Cheerleading Coach Nicole Zivich Fired For Working At Hooters? [PHOTOS]Cheerleading Coach Nicole Zivich Fired For Working At Hooters? [PHOTOS]

Just imagine the high-fives being thrown around last night in Nigeria when God’s Gift Achiuwa stepped up to the free throw line and ESPN’s director called for his PPG graphic. It must’ve been pandemonium. Dudes throwing malt liquor in the sky like they were up in an Atlanta strip club. God’s Gift is from Nigeria and the guy comes from a batshit crazy family. Wait until you see the names of his siblings. C-R-A-Z-Y! 

The fam, according to an ESPN story: three brothers, named God’s Will, Promise and Precious. And he has two sisters, Grace and Peace.

Now, God’s Gift is bad enough because it’s so damn vain, but Precious – for a dude? Imagine the dating scene. You’re striking out and decide to start online dating. Enter your name – Precious – and that’s getting search results when some chick is looking for a nice Nigerian guy to settle down with.

Good luck with that. And you know that this sh!t gets around at the bars. We assume Nigeria is so small that everyone knows about Precious Achiuwa. So God’s Gift starts dunking like a machine and becomes somewhat of a Nigerian legend. But that’s of little use to Precious. He’s totally blackballed by the ladies.

What chick out there wants to date a guy who puts his name in at an Applebees and uses Precious. This guy is crippled for life.

Comments
The Backyard: Best Of The Web
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 324 other followers